


try to remember tomorrow

by turkeysandwich



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Groundhog Day, Johnny is an asshole, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turkeysandwich/pseuds/turkeysandwich
Summary: It takes about seven years for Johnny to get tired of his mundane, repetitive life. It takes only one day for everything to spiral completely out of control.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 56
Kudos: 320





	try to remember tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> So, while in Houston before this whole thing broke out, I had this idea. I wasn't really planning on actually writing it until this whole quarantine thing got put in place and considering that I didn't have much to do other than write, I decided to actually go through with it. 
> 
> **LINKS:**  
>  So, I made a playlist for this story with songs that I listened to while writing/songs that I felt resonated with the story. Here's the [Apple Music](https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/try-to-remember-tomorrow/pl.u-b3b8VPBHyAmj2Yr) playlist and the [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XoJy4B7T1O0VAOK8vXzVu) playlist. 
> 
> Also, I just want to give a huge shout-out to my friends [Cherry](https://www.twitter.com/CHERRYY0NG) for creating such an amazing [trailer](https://twitter.com/CHERRYY0NG/status/1245868306612940800?s=20) for this story and [Emma](https://www.twitter.com/taeyongielove) for just being great in general.
> 
>  **WARNINGS:**  
>  Sometimes it's confusing. Also, this isn't beta-read. I never beta-read. We die like men.
> 
> And again, if something seems unrealistic, it's fanfiction, it's all unrealistic.

Johnny had made the decision of a lifetime. Still, with this being said, Johnny had never been so certain about something in his entire life.

Taeyong had told him to do something and for was the slightest of a second, Johnny had actually considered doing it. He didn’t know why. He just did. On his way to the building, he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with this feeling of hanging dread, like this decision that he was making couldn’t have been anything close to the right one. Still, he went. 

It wasn’t until he had those papers in front of him, pen in hand and ready to sign that Johnny realized that this wasn’t right. He couldn’t abandon his friends, couldn’t abandon the one person who had never failed to bring him happiness and comfort no matter the situation. So, he sat the pen down and got up, giving the woman in front of him an apologetic bow before leaving the room. 

Taeyong was where he had left him, sitting in the dingy semi –basement that they always practiced in. He had his notepad in his lap and was bent over it, scribbling down something that Johnny couldn’t see. Still, Johnny was sure that it was something brilliant because Taeyong was brilliant and everything that he did and created was amazing. He didn’t notice Johnny’s presence until Johnny walked over and stood in front of him, causing him to look up to see who had blocked his light coming in from the window across from him. 

“Johnny?” Taeyong asked quietly, setting down his notepad in the space beside him. “What are you doing here?” 

“I didn’t sign,” Johnny told him. “I didn’t—Taeyong, I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do that to us.”

For a long moment, Taeyong only blinked up at him. Johnny could tell that he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to respond. To be fair, if he had been put in Taeyong’s position, Johnny was almost certain that he wouldn’t know what to do either. On one hand, he would be frustrated that Taeyong gave up such a momentous opportunity for him but on the other hand, he would be so, so glad to see him again.

Finally, Taeyong cleared his throat. “Are you crazy?” he asked, standing up from the couch he had been sitting on. Johnny barely had any time to react before Taeyong was picking up his notepad and sending it over the side of his head. 

“Why are you hitting me?” Johnny whined, lifting up a hand to cradle the spot that Taeyong’s notepad had struck. “I thought you’d be happy to see me again.”

“I’m not—Fuck, Johnny, I’m not  _ not  _ happy to see you, but,” Taeyong paused to sigh deeply, tossing down his notepad again. “Why would you go and do something like that? Why wouldn’t you sign?”

Johnny knew that a lot of people would call his decision stupid. They would mock him and make fun of him for choosing what he had. Still, Johnny didn’t care. What kind of a person would he be if he went and abandoned the very person that had helped even get him that kind of an opportunity? Johnny couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t do that to their relationship. 

“That’s not the only opportunity that’ll come for us, yeah?” Johnny explained, stepping a bit closer to where Taeyong was standing in front of him. “We can figure out something else, Yong. Something that we can do together.”

Taeyong stared at him again. For a second, Johnny was sure that Taeyong was going to put up something else and hit him with it. However, Taeyong only sighed and ran his hand through his hair before his face broke. Johnny couldn’t help but let out of a shocked grunt at the sudden feeling of Taeyong embracing him, his arms wrapped tightly around his middle, face buried deep into his chest.

“I really didn’t want you to go,” Taeyong said, his voice muffled by the fabric of Johnny’s thick sweater. “I couldn’t ask you to stay but I didn’t want you to go, Johnny.”

Johnny sighed before reaching down to pull Taeyong closer to him. “I didn’t want to go either,” he told Taeyong, letting him soak his sweater with his tears. “Why do you think I came back?”

“W–What about the group, though?” Taeyong asked, pulling back to look up at Johnny with watery eyes. 

“What about them?” Johnny said back with a small smile. “It’s like I said, Yong. We’ll figure it out.” He reached down to wipe away some of the moisture that had gathered on Taeyong’s soft cheeks. “I’m not doing this without you.”

Taeyong let out a watery little laugh. “You’re so corny,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Yeah,” Johnny admitted with a small chuckle. “But you love it.”

“Shut up,” Taeyong muttered, giving Johnny’s shoulder a light smack. 

And there they stood like that, until Mark and Jaehyun came back from their convenience store run and promptly began yelling at Johnny for being such an idiot.

* * *

Johnny was sick of it. 

Every single inch of his life, Johnny was tired of. It was all the same thing every single day. He would wake up and go to work at that stupid fucking job of his at that grocery store. After getting off at three–thirty—never at three, seeing that the person who came to relieve him was always, always late—he would pull out his phone and see a text from Taeyong telling him to remember to eat lunch before coming over to practice which was so fucking stupid to Johnny because he was a grown, 26–year–old man, he didn’t need someone reminding him to do something as simple as eat.

He would get to practice where him, Mark, Jaehyun and Taeyong would come together and go over a song or two which Johnny didn’t even know why they  _ bothered,  _ seeing that it was a miracle in itself that someone would invite them to share their music, much less pay for them to do so. Yet and still, they did so anyway, wasting their time away with a dream that they would never achieve. It was silly. No, it was more than silly. It was just plain stupid. They were all too old for it. 

After practice, Taeyong would follow along after him, talking to him about shit that Johnny simply didn’t care about but had to pretend he did because they were dating. It was bullshit. It was all bullshit. Johnny didn’t even know why he did it anymore. Their relationship was fading. Taeyong might not have wanted to admit it but Johnny could. Whatever. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t afford to think childishly anymore. Not only was he an adult, but he was almost thirty. It was time for him to start thinking realistically about life. 

However, even with that being said, here Johnny was, standing on stage in front of a crowd that couldn’t have been more than twenty. Mark was behind him and Jaehyun to his right, strumming their instruments like more than a handful of people—if that—were listening. Johnny was singing but only barely, his words all slurring together lazily. 

Taeyong was in front of him in the crowd, smiling up at him like he always did, silently encouraging not only him, but Mark and Jaehyun as well. He didn’t sing much and couldn’t stand on stage with them due to the crippling anxiety that would overwhelm him the second he was in front of people he wasn’t familiar with but Taeyong never missed the opportunity to come and support, to watch them perform the music that he created for them and them only. 

The crowd was bored. That was obvious. Barely anyone was paying them any attention and the few that happened to be doing so were obnoxious, shouting up at them and demanding for them to play something that was more appropriate for the bar that were all standing in. Jaehyun had no trouble ignoring them but Johnny could tell that Mark was starting to become more and more frustrated as time went on and they continued their harassment. 

Johnny was so fucking done with it. He was done with this shitty song they were singing that sounded exactly like everything else Taeyong had written for the band. He was done with Jaehyun pretending like nothing ever bothered him and Mark acting like he couldn’t overlook some asshole just  _ once  _ in his life. He was done with this fucking bar and the overwhelming stench of alcohol coming from the pricks that couldn’t keep their mouths shut. He was done.

“Hey!” Johnny shouted into the microphone, letting his guitar slide around to his side. “You mind shutting the  _ fuck  _ up for three seconds?”

The men who had been yelling at them suddenly stopped, surprised by Johnny’s outburst. They must have figured that because he hadn’t responded to anything they had screamed up at him within the past half an hour that he simply wasn’t the confrontational type but Johnny was so, so tired of keeping quiet. Who the fuck were these guys to think that they could just speak down to him for no good reason? They were all clearly younger than him—didn’t they have any sort of respect?

Anyone who hadn’t been paying attention quickly started at the sound of Johnny’s voice bellowing through the bar. Johnny heard Jaehyun clear his throat from behind him, still gently pressing the keys on the keyboard in front of him to try and continue their set like nothing had happened. 

“What are you doing, Johnny?” Mark asked through gritted teeth. Unfortunately for him, one of the men who Johnny had shouted at had already begun to respond. 

“Who do you think you’re talking to like that, old man?” he said loudly, pointing his half–empty bottle of soju up at Johnny on stage. 

Johnny chuckled darkly and shook his head. “I’m not an old—Hey, listen, why don’t you just shut your mouth for the next ten minutes, yeah? Then after we’re finished, you can go back to spraying your filthy breath all over the place.”

That definitely didn’t sit well, not with any of the men. They stood up from their stools in the back of the bar and all started to holler up at Johnny, insulting not only him, but Mark and Jaehyun as well. At one point, Johnny slipped off the strap that attached him to his guitar and placed it down next to him on stage. 

“You wanna come up here and say that to my fucking face?” Johnny challenged and one of the men had absolutely no problem with that offer, pulling off the blazer he had on and approaching the stage, pushing through all of the people that were simply watching everything go down.

Unfortunately, before they could even come close enough to one another for someone to swing, Taeyong was intervening by wrapping his arms around Johnny and pulling him off stage. Johnny was still shouting at the man while he went, telling him that if he wanted to, him and all of his friends could meet him outside and they could see if they wanted to talk that much shit then. The last thing he saw was Jaehyun giving the crowd an apologetic bow before bending down to pick up Johnny’s discarded guitar and following the rest of them off stage. 

Taeyong kept pulling him until he was all the way outside, back into the cold air of the night time. Once they were out, Johnny pushed Taeyong away from him, cursing loudly in a shrill voice. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Mark shouted once outside, giving Johnny’s shoulder a harsh shove. “They’re never gonna let us perform there again!”

“I’m not just gonna fucking let them talk to us like that!” Johnny yelled in response, pushing Mark back. Mark was clearly surprised by Johnny’s sudden act of violence but his shock quickly was overwhelmed by anger as he regained his composure and walked over to push Johnny once again. Jaehyun stepped in between the both of them before he could make contact. 

“Listen, we’re all a bit pissed off, okay?” Jaehyun said. “Let’s just take a moment and calm down.”

“Fuck that,” Johnny seethed through his teeth. “Fuck you.” He pointed over at Mark. “Fuck you. Fuck this fucking band. I’m done.”

“What do you mean you’re done?” Mark asked with a quiet snort. 

“I mean I’m fucking  _ done,  _ Mark!” Johnny shouted, finishing it off with a dry laugh. “I’m through with it.” He shook his head, walking over to pick up his guitar from where Jaehyun had propped it up against the brick wall of the dirty alleyway. “Have a nice life.”

As he walked off, he could hear Jaehyun call after him. He could also hear Mark telling him to forget it. Johnny didn’t care. He was sick of going through the same routine every single day. It was tiring.

“Johnny,” Taeyong called from after him, leaving Johnny to roll his eyes because of  _ course  _ Taeyong had followed after him. Johnny kept walking, deciding to ignore him. Maybe if he didn’t acknowledge Taeyong’s presence, Taeyong would eventually give up and leave him alone. “Johnny, wait.”

Apparently not. Johnny sighed deeply and whipped around, startling Taeyong with the suddenness of his movement. He stopped and blinked up at Johnny, seemingly unable to think of something to say now that he had Johnny’s attention on him.

“What do you want, Taeyong?” Johnny snapped.

“I—Johnny—”, Taeyong tried before Johnny was cutting him off sharply. 

“Did you stop me to stutter or are you gonna actually say something?” Johnny said, the tone of his voice clearly thoroughly startling Taeyong.

“I know you’re frustrated but think about Jaehyun and Mark, alright?” Taeyong finally got out. “I mean, we wouldn’t be much of a band without you.”

Johnny couldn’t stop himself from snorting at that. “We?” Johnny asked, raising a brow. “Since when were you part of the band?”

“I—I am,” Taeyong said, frowning a little. He didn’t understand why Johnny was being so cruel to him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“You’re not, Taeyong,” Johnny responded with a small, sarcastic laugh. “Which is why it shouldn’t matter to you whether or not I leave the band.”

Taeyong blinked at him for a long moment. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that Johnny’s attitude had been slowly deteriorating over the past year or two but Johnny had never been this outwardly horrible to him. He didn’t like it. Johnny knew that he wasn’t good at defending himself, wasn’t good at handling the overwhelming feeling of someone—especially someone who he cared about—walking all over him and treating him like shit. He understood that Johnny was frustrated but still. There was no way that he deserved this. 

Finally, he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a tiny breath through his mouth. “Can you just take some time to think about it, Johnny?” Taeyong asked quietly. 

“God, you’re fucking insufferable,” Johnny snorted, continuing to walk. He couldn’t believe it. He had talked to Taeyong like shit and Taeyong wasn’t even attempting to defend himself or demand for Johnny to treat him like he mattered. But, that was Taeyong. That was why Taeyong was 23–years–old and worked at a fucking bookstore. That was why people didn’t pay him any attention ever because he had no issue fading away into the background. That was why he was never going to go anywhere in life and most importantly, it was part of the reason why Johnny couldn’t stand being around him anymore. 

“Why are you being so mean?” Taeyong asked, his voice still not too far behind him, signifying that he hadn’t stopped following after Johnny. 

“Because I’m sick of you!” Johnny shouted, whirling around to face Taeyong again. “I’m sick of being around you, I’m sick of hearing your voice, I’m sick of you coddling me and acting like I’m a six–year–old! Fuck, I’m even sick of fucking you, Taeyong! It’s too much, it’s—it’s _ —fuck!” _

Taeyong flinched at the sound of Johnny’s loud voice echoing throughout the otherwise silent street that they were on. Again, he didn’t say anything. Johnny didn’t know what he wanted him to say but his silence was infuriating. He hated it.

“You ruined my fucking life, Taeyong,” Johnny continued, laughing again. “You know CBK is touring in the States right now? I could have been doing that. I could have been there with them but instead I’m standing here with you like the pathetic piece of shit that you made me be.”

“I told you to go, Johnny,” Taeyong pointed out quietly.  _ “You _ decided to stay.”

That was true. That was true and Johnny couldn’t even begin to say that it wasn’t. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to  _ not  _ be mad at Taeyong. Someone needed to be blamed for how his life had turned out and he didn’t want the blame to be put on himself. He couldn’t handle that. 

“Stop following me,” Johnny simply said before starting off again. The sound of Taeyong’s voice coming from behind him stopped him once more. 

“If you’re breaking up with me, just say that,” Taeyong called after him, his voice stuck in his throat like it did when he was close to crying. 

“Fine,” Johnny said, turning around. “I’m breaking up with you, Taeyong.” He took off his guitar again—the one Taeyong had bought for him on their three–year anniversary that Johnny had cherished with his life up until this point—and throwing it down on the concrete. “Take your shit back.”

And with that, Johnny whirled back around and walked off, reaching in the pocket of his hoodie for the pack of cigarettes he always kept in there. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t hear Taeyong calling or following after him. He pulled out a cigarette and his lighter, shoving it between his lips and lifting up the lighter to bring it to life. 

Was what he had done cruel and terrible? Yes. Did Johnny care? No. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about anything anymore but he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything that had to do with Taeyong or Jaehyun and Mark or his deadbeat job. All he wanted to do was start anew, to wake up and be an entirely different person than he was now. 

He didn’t know how long he had been walking, nor was he keeping track of where he was going. He didn’t want to go back to his messy apartment and be reminded of Taeyong who had undoubtedly left something of his behind from when he had last been there or what he simply kept over because of how often he was there or how pathetic his life was as a whole. Once his first cigarette was nothing but a stub, Johnny immediately went and lit up another. 

Someone was blowing up his phone. It felt like it was vibrating every other second. It got to the point where Johnny couldn’t take it anymore, cursing loudly and throwing down his cigarette, putting it out on the gravel underneath him before wrestling his phone out of his pocket and sliding over the button that would answer the call.

“What the fuck do you want, Taeyong?” Johnny shouted into the receiver, so, so frustrated that Taeyong couldn’t leave him alone for even a couple of hours.

He could hear the inhale on the other side, Taeyong preparing to say something in response but never got to hear what was on Taeyong’s mind, as the sound of a car desperately trying to skid to a stop, wheels screeching against the tarmac filled his ears before a sharp and sudden force was knocking him to the ground and straight into darkness. 

* * *

**Day 1**

Johnny woke up with a start, his heart feeling like it could beat straight out of his chest. He was sweating violently, his shirt having stuck to his skin. He sat there breathing heavily, allotting himself the time to calm down from what had to be a very realistic, very terrifying dream. Jesus Christ. When did his brain get to be so creative?

Once he had regained his composure, Johnny looked out the window. It wasn’t too bright outside, leading him to believe that it couldn’t have been later than ten, ten–thirty. He sighed, swinging his legs to the other side of the bed and leaning over to hold his face in his hands. He didn’t feel like going to work but knew that he had to, especially seeing that he had called in the last shift that he had been scheduled for due to his own laziness. 

After what felt like forever but probably wasn’t longer than a couple of minutes, Johnny got up, pulling his wet T–shirt over his head and tossing it in the pile of dirty clothes that had accumulated beside his bed. If Taeyong was there, he would have scolded Johnny for practicing such a bad habit. Johnny scoffed quietly at the sight of it, shaking his head as he bent down and picked up a new shirt, bringing it up to his nose to take a whiff at it and see if it was actually clean. Luckily for him, it was. 

Johnny brushed his teeth. He combed his hair and lined deodorant on his skin. When finished, he went out into the kitchen and opened the fridge, peering inside. There wasn’t much left but stacked up in the back was a number of Tupperware containers that Taeyong had packed specially for him, all labeled with a description of what was inside. Johnny couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the sight of it, pushing past all of the little plastic boxes to grab out a small container of yogurt. 

While pulling the lid off of the container, he couldn’t help but think that he had thrown it out the day before. No, he had definitely thrown it out the day before. He turned the thing around and peered at it. It was the same little bottle and brand as yesterday. Maybe he had more left than he originally thought he did. 

As he threw the top onto the counter next to him and proceeded to gulp it down, Johnny heard his phone ring. He walked over to where it had been left on his bed and answered it without bothering to glance down at the cracked screen. 

“What?” Johnny asked after swallowing, aiming for the small bin across from the opening of the kitchen and tossing it, watching the yogurt hit the rim before toppling to the floor.

_ “Hey,”  _ Taeyong said on the other end, clearly outside if the sound of gushing wind of Johnny’s ear was any indication.  _ “I was just making sure that you woke up.” _

Johnny frowned. Taeyong had done this yesterday. It had been overbearing then and became even more so today. Johnny was an adult, he didn’t need someone to check in on him and make sure that he did the shit that he managed to accomplish every other day of his life. It was practically suffocating how domineering Taeyong was.

“Hey,” Johnny started in a chastising voice. “Are you gonna keep doing this everyday?”

There was a pause. Then,  _ “What do you mean?” _

Johnny rolled his eyes. Why was Taeyong playing dumb with him? He knew full well that this exact time yesterday, he had called him up to ensure that he hadn’t overslept and Johnny told him that he didn’t need to do that, that the only time he had slept through his alarm was that one time after Mark’s birthday due to the blaring hangover he had. Taeyong had apologized but at the end of the conversation, said that he would call tomorrow if he didn’t hear from Johnny by a certain time.

But, Johnny didn’t feel like arguing with him. It was too early in the morning and Johnny would never make it through his shift at work if he managed to get himself all irritable before even walking in the door.

“Just—Stop calling me, alright?” Johnny told Taeyong, moving back across his apartment to look for his apron for work. He spotted it on the couch, buried underneath another pile of clothes. At some point he really needed to clean up. Not anytime soon, but at some point for sure. “I’m fully capable of waking myself up in the morning.”

_ “But I didn’t—”, _ Taeyong wasn’t able to finish his sentence, as Johnny was pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging up, tucking the small device into the back pocket of his jeans.

“Christ, it’s like he thinks he’s my mom or something,” Johnny muttered to himself as he pulled his apron on over his head and tied it around his waist. 

On his way out of the front door, Johnny stopped upon noticing one of Taeyong’s oversized sweaters bunched up right where he discarded his shoes once coming inside. He bent down, frowning as he picked it up. That was strange. Taeyong had come over two nights ago and in his own drunken desperation, let Johnny pull his sweater up over his head and toss it down on the floor before kicking the door shut and proceeding to hoist Taeyong up, walking him over to his bed while kissing him furiously. He left sometime during the early morning but came back while Johnny was at work to retrieve the loose article of clothing. 

But that had been the sweater Taeyong had on last night, when the two of them were standing on the street and Johnny had finally snapped on him, successfully ending their relationship. That was right. They had broken up. Johnny had broken up with Taeyong and Taeyong had let him. 

They weren’t together anymore. So why was Taeyong still calling him, acting like nothing had happened?

“He’s fucking delusional,” Johnny mumbled before throwing the sweater down and continuing on his way out the door.

* * *

It got even weirder at work. It was like Johnny knew what was going to happen before it could go down. The height of it was when a woman who looked to be in her mid or late forties walked up to his register, emptying out her cart onto the conveyor belt. Johnny could list out what all was going to be put up before the woman even got a chance to. Spicy ramen, eggs, a container of milk, ready–made kimchi that tasted like shit (Johnny knew from experience).

He also could guess what was about to come out of her mouth next as she walked up to him and offered him an disingenuous, tight–lipped smile.

“I have a coupon for the kimchi,” she told him, reaching in her purse to pull out the small, crumpled–up piece of paper. Johnny took it from her, glancing down at it. 

“We don’t accept these anymore,” Johnny told her, sighing. Hadn’t they done this yesterday? Was this some kind of a sick joke? Was she seriously coming back to harass him about the same thing yet again or did she genuinely believe that something had changed between the day that they had last had the conversation. 

“What do you mean you don’t accept them?” the woman asked, frowning.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s like I told you yesterday,” Johnny started before being promptly interrupted by the woman’s shrill voice. 

“You didn’t tell me anything yesterday,” she said. “I’d like to know why you can’t accept this coupon when it says that it doesn’t expire until December 31st.”

“Because the promotion ended suddenly due to lead being found in the original product—Aish, come on, ma’am, is this your way of trying to get something for free?” Johnny asked, frustrated that he was having to do this again. “It’s not even that expensive in the first place.”

The woman gawked at him, absolutely dumbfounded at how Johnny was speaking to her.  _ “Excuse me?”  _ she gasped, her eyes widening. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me is the fact that you’re coming in here  _ harassing  _ me like you did yesterday over kimchi,” Johnny said back, picking up the container and leaning over the counter that separated him from the woman to throw it back into her cart. “You can get the Sinto kimchi buy one, get one free but I’m not doing this with you again.”

“I want to talk to your manager!” the woman demanded, picking up the kimchi and tossing it back down on the conveyor belt. 

“He’s gonna tell you the same goddamn thing he did yesterday,” Johnny muttered in response before moving over to the microphone that connected to the overhead speakers. “Jinwoo, can you—?”

“What seems to be the problem?” Johnny’s manager, Jinwoo, interrupted, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. 

“Your employee is acting very rude and disrespectful,” the woman told him and Jinwoo almost immediately looked over at Johnny, frowning deeply but Johnny couldn’t focus because this  _ exact  _ thing had happened the day before. The woman had come up to his register and put up the same items, had told him about the coupon she had found and handed it over to him only to find that it was no longer valid and proceed to argue about why it wasn’t. Jinwoo had come over and confronted the situation, quickly apologizing to the woman before ultimately giving her the container of kimchi for free along with a 10% discount on the rest of her items. Had everyone gone mad during the night?

“Johnny?” Jinwoo asked, his voice going an octave lower like it always did when he was chastising someone and exactly like it had yesterday when this whole thing had occurred the first time. 

“Are you kidding me?” Johnny said, his eyes wide. “Did we not do this yesterday?”

“What are you talking about?” Jinwoo questioned, clearly startled by the lack of respect used by Johnny when speaking to him. 

“We  _ literally  _ did this yesterday,” Johnny breathed before pointing at the woman. “She came in and gave me the coupon and I told her that we couldn’t use it and you came in and gave it to her for free.” Neither Jinwoo or the woman said anything, both of them looking back at Johnny like he had spontaneously grown a second head while talking. “I’m not making this up!”

“I think that maybe it’s time for you to take your break,” Jinwoo suggested quietly, gesturing for Johnny to come out from behind the register. 

It wasn’t like Johnny  _ wanted  _ to sit there and argue with the both of them but he also wasn’t going to let them sit there and act like he had gone crazy. This had already happened. Hell, both the woman and Jinwoo even had on the same clothes as the day before. He wasn’t losing his mind. This had happened. All of this had happened. 

“Do you seriously not remember this happening?” Johnny asked, turning to the woman first before looking at Jinwoo for an answer when she didn’t offer one. Jinwoo refused to say anything in response to him either. “What the fuck?”

_ “Language,”  _ Jinwoo seethed through gritted teeth. “Listen, Johnny, I think that you should really take my advice and go on that break before you make even more trouble for the both of us.”

That wasn’t a suggestion but a demand. If Johnny didn’t leave, there would be serious consequences and whether Johnny was going insane or not, he didn’t want this little outburst to be the reason why he didn’t have a job the following day. He looked at the woman for a little while longer before looking down at the linoleum floor underneath him, completely dumbfounded. This was all so weird. 

Still, Johnny untied his apron and pulled it off over his head, handing it to Jinwoo on his way past before leaving the register. On his way to the front of the store, he could hear Jinwoo repeatedly apologizing to the woman and promising her that something like that would ever happen to her while shopping there ever again. Johnny ran a hand through his hair before pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. What was wrong with him?

Just as he stepped outside the door, something told him to reach his hand out. When he did, he felt his fingers enclose around a small, light string. He looked up to see that he was holding a balloon like he knew he would be before looking down at the small girl who was staring up at him—or, better yet, the balloon—and her mother who was holding the hand that hadn’t been grasping the string. 

“Oh, thank you so much,” the mother breathed, stepping in front of her daughter to take the balloon back from Johnny. She paused a moment, waiting for Johnny’s response. However, Johnny only stood there, still in complete awe about the fact that he had been able to predict that happening so well. When she finally wrote him off as strange, she gave him a small bow before handing the balloon back to her daughter and continuing on her way inside the store. 

That had happened yesterday. The woman and her coupon had happened yesterday. Taeyong calling him in the morning to ensure that he hadn’t overslept had happened yesterday. What the hell was going on? 

Johnny reached in his back pocket and pulled out his phone, bringing it to life with a swift press of the button on the side of the device. Both the time and the date stared back at him. 1:42PM, November 13th.

Which was fucking  _ yesterday. _

No. Fuck that. Johnny wasn’t crazy. He didn’t know what exactly was going on but he knew one thing for certain and that was that he wasn’t imagining all of this. 

He kept repeating this to himself all the way until he got to that familiar semi–basement, walking inside and immediately approaching Taeyong who was stood there talking to Mark in the corner of the room, wearing that same goddamn sweater that Johnny had seen all bunched up at his front door. 

“What day is it today?” Johnny demanded, promptly interrupted Taeyong and Mark’s conversation. They both looked at him in confusion, surprised by both his sudden outburst and appearance.  _ “What day is it today?” _

“November 13th,” Mark finally answered, frowning. “Dude, what’s wrong with—?”

“We broke up yesterday, didn’t we?” Johnny asked, reaching over to grab hold of Taeyong’s shoulders and turn him to where he was facing him. Taeyong made a face up at him. 

“What do you mean we broke up?” Taeyong said back. 

Johnny wasn’t crazy. This whole thing had happened yesterday. Jinwoo had sent him home for arguing with that lady and Johnny had come over to the practice room. This whole interaction between him, Taeyong and Mark hadn’t gone down the same way but almost everything else had occurred the same way. He had walked in on Taeyong and Mark talking and interrupted them with the sound of him picking up his guitar from where he had kept it near Jaehyun’s keyboard. 

Jaehyun. Fucking Jaehyun. At the thought of him, Johnny immediately whipped around and pointed to the entrance that he had walked in through and there Jaehyun came on cue, the loose handles of a plastic bag encircling his wrist as he hummed the tune to some girl–group song. 

“They didn’t have any samgak with the tuna and mayonnaise in it so I just got the regular kind with egg,” Johnny and Jaehyun said at the same time. Jaehyun stopped upon hearing Johnny’s voice intermix so fluidly with his own. “Whoa,” he muttered, lifting a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “How’d you do that?”

“Look,” Johnny said, walking up to Jaehyun to take the bag from him and holding it up. “I can guess everything he got.”

“Is this some kind of a magic trick?” Jaehyun asked, looking very thoroughly impressed by Johnny’s sudden skill. Johnny decided to ignore him for his own sake. 

“Taeyong, he went to get you that stupid fucking banana milk that you always drink except they didn’t have that so instead he got you strawberry milk,” Johnny said before turning to Mark. “And Mark, he got you the kimbap and those honey–butter chips. And—And Jaehyun, you just got gum because they didn’t have anything that you wanted.”

“Aw man,” Taeyong said, pouting. “They didn’t have banana milk? What kind of a store is that?”

“Wait a minute,” Mark interrupted, shaking his head. “Johnny, how’d you know all that?”

“Because of all of this happened fucking yesterday!” Johnny exclaimed loudly. “We ate and then we went to that performance at that shitty fucking bar and I—I got into a fight with these guys and left the band and we—”. Johnny stopped, looking over at Taeyong who was blinking back at him with wide eyes, confusion clearly written all over his face. He walked over to him and grabbed hold of his shoulders again. “We broke up, Taeyong. You don’t remember that?”

Taeyong just stared at him, making it clear that, for some reason, he didn’t remember that ever happening which Johnny didn’t understand because how could he have possibly forgotten something so huge, something so monumental in his life? After all, the two of them had spent the past seven years with one another. It didn’t make any sense. 

“I gave you back my guitar,” Johnny tried again, pointing over to where it sat. “Do you seriously not remember any of that?”

“Why would you give that back to me?” Taeyong asked, frowning. “I got that made for you.”

“Am I going fucking  _ insane?”  _ Johnny shouted, letting go of Taeyong’s shoulders to grab at his hair in frustration.

“I fucking think you might be, man,” Mark said back and that was enough to be the final straw. Johnny groaned loudly before storming out of the room, stopping to pick up his guitar on the way out. 

“Johnny,” Johnny heard Taeyong call after him as he made his way back up those stairs, muttering to himself that he absolutely wasn’t losing his mind at age twenty–six.

“Fuck off, Taeyong!” Johnny snipped down at him, continuing on his way without bothering to look back. Luckily for him, the simple phrase seemed to be enough to get Taeyong to stop following after him like a lost puppy.

Johnny didn’t stop until he got back to his apartment, slamming the door behind him and drawing the blinds into the whole house was shrouded in darkness. He kicked off his shoes and flopped down into bed, pulling the covers over him and closing his eyes tightly, rolling around back and forth until his body finally started to wear out and he felt himself slipping out of consciousness because no matter what, this had to be some kind of sick dream and all he needed to do was go back to sleep and wake himself up from it so he could revert back to his life without not only that shitty job of his, Mark and Jaehyun but without Taeyong as well and finally start anew like he was  _ supposed  _ to do.

* * *

**Day 2**

Johnny woke up on his bed. Something felt different. He didn’t know what or why but something simply did. He let out a small breath of relief before pushing himself up from the mattress and walking over to the refrigerator, bracing himself before pulling it open and reaching his hand inside. 

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Johnny groaned, grabbing out the same bottle of yogurt from yesterday. He stared at it for a long moment before tossing it back in the fridge, frustration building up heavily in his chest. 

Almost as if on cue, his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it without hesitation. “I’m fucking awake, okay?” Johnny said into the receiver.

There was a pause. Then,  _ “Wow, how’d you know that I was calling for that?”  _ Taeyong asked, breathing out a small laugh on his end.

“What day is it?” Johnny said back, ignoring what Taeyong had said as he placed the phone down on the counter for a second to slip his shirt on over his head. 

_ “Thursday,”  _ Taeyong told him easily, a muffled cough following shortly thereafter. 

“No, not the fucking  _ day,  _ Taeyong,” Johnny sighed, pulling the phone back to his ear. “What’s the date?”

_ “Oh,” _ Taeyong said, pausing a moment. Johnny assumed that it was to either think about the answer or check on his phone.  _ “It’s November 13th.” _ Another slight pause.  _ “Why?” _

Johnny didn’t bother to respond, moving his phone away from his ear to hang up. It was rude but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. 

Something was happening. Johnny didn’t know exactly what or why it was happening to him specifically but something was definitely happening. He was reliving the same day over and over and no one seemed to know about it other than him. Was this some kind of a cosmic punishment from the universe for what he had done? No, that couldn’t have been fair. He was allowed to want to end his relationship. It had to have been something else. Maybe he couldn’t get out of this until he did something different.

So, that was what Johnny was gonna do. Something different.

Which started with him beginning the day as horribly as possible. He didn’t bother to grab his apron from the floor, leaving the house in his old hoodie from that time him and Taeyong had gone to Lotte World that had a huge ketchup stain at the front of it. He got to work as late as he possibly could, walking by Jinwoo on the way to his register with an old donut from Dunkin’ Donuts in hand without a care in the world. 

The woman came promptly at 12:37PM like she had yesterday and the day before. Johnny didn’t even give her a chance to bring up the coupon, cutting her off with a sudden raise of his hand. The two of them stare at each other for a long moment, the woman mostly doing so in utter confusion. 

“Um—”, the woman started before being cut off by Johnny’s cool voice. 

“Nope,” Johnny told her. She frowned even deeper. 

“I’m—”, she tried again, only to be stopped by Johnny once more. 

“Fuck you,” Johnny started easily, “and fuck your stupid fucking coupon.”

The woman gawked at him, shocked that someone had spoken to her like that, much less an employee who was expected to treat their customers with the utmost level of respect. However, Johnny wasn’t finished with her quite yet. 

He picked up the container of kimchi from the conveyor belt and opened it, tossing the cap on the floor behind him before leaning over and dumping all that was inside into the woman’s open purse. She pulled away at the last moment and some of the kimchi ended up falling onto the ground which the woman promptly slipped on before collapsing to the ground. 

And, like. That had gone a bit rougher than Johnny had expected it to go but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

“Johnny, what are you  _ doing?”  _ Jinwoo asked, seemingly coming out of nowhere to gasp at the sight in front of him. Johnny had worked for him and the store for over three years and had never once even raised his voice at a customer, much less done something like  _ this. _

“Ah, while you’re here,” Johnny said, turning to face Jinwoo. “I fucking quit.”

Before Jinwoo could say anything in response, Johnny was climbing out of his spot at the register and walking off, leaving the mess he had created and snatching up a bar of chocolate by the post next to his on his way out. 

As he passed by the woman and her daughter on the way out, Johnny stopped to snatch the balloon before it could float away. The girl looked up at him with hope etched along her young face and Johnny smiled back at her, bending down to hand it back to her before faking her out, pushing the balloon on the ground and stomping on it until a shrill popping noise echoed throughout the store. The both of them look at him in shock and it isn’t long before the girl’s face was breaking and her lower lip started to tremble.

Okay, that might have been going a tad too far. 

Johnny didn’t bother showing up to practice. Mark, Jaehyun and Taeyong all called him numerous times and he made sure to ignore every single one of their calls. He didn’t come to the bar until about a minute or two before they were set to go on stage, interrupting the conversation that Jaehyun was having with the owner, undoubtedly either asking for him to give them more time to track their lead singer down or apologizing vehemently for wasting the man’s time. Knowing Jaehyun, it was probably both. 

“Oh, look who finally decided to fucking show up,” Mark snapped from where he was standing not even two feet away from Jaehyun and the owner, his words causing both of them to look over at the newest addition. “Any real reason why you weren’t answering your phone other than the fact that you were being an asshole?”

Johnny decided to ignore Mark. He turned to the owner, raising a brow. “I’m here,” Johnny said, gesturing to the guitar on his back. “You mind if we get out on stage?”

The man hesitated a moment, clearly conflicted between whether or not he should let them. On one hand, he had promised the crowd out there a show but on the other hand, they had been extremely disrespectful by showing up whenever they wanted—or, maybe not  _ they  _ rather than Johnny on his own. In the end, he must decide that the reputation of his bar and the happiness of the people waiting on the other side of that curtain. 

“Hurry up and get out there,” he said with a small sigh, shooing the three of them away. Johnny didn’t hesitate before walking out, glancing over at Taeyong who had been standing to the left of Mark the entire time, worry etched all over his face on his way. Jaehyun and Mark followed after him, Mark still muttering angrily underneath his breath. 

Just like the first day, Johnny barely bothered to sing. And just like the first day, those men started up their shit, shouting up at them and demanding for them to be more interesting. However, this time around, Johnny didn’t wait until the end of the performance to react to all of their relentless teasing. He let Jaehyun finish the last chord in the song before letting his guitar swing around to his side, leaning forward to hold the microphone in front of him in his hands.

“Hello to all four of you listening,” Johnny greeted with a small smile. “We’re Poet and I’m Johnny.” The crowd hummed quietly in response, a few more having paid attention upon hearing Johnny’s speaking voice. “I’d like to go ahead and dedicate our next song to the four lovely men in the back of the bar.”

Some people turned around to look at the rowdy group who seemed surprised that Johnny had called them out. Still, they don’t seem to be deterred by Johnny’s boldness, one or two of them even laughing in response to what Johnny had said. Johnny put two fingers to his forehead and saluted them. 

“It’s called ‘Shut the Fuck Up Already, You Stupid Fucking Pieces of Shit, parantheses Please’,” Johnny said before pulling the microphone off of the stand it was on, waiting patiently for the response that was sure to come. He walked over to the side of the stage that Taeyong was standing by, eyes wide in shock of how Johnny was behaving. “And unlike many—no,  _ all _ —of our songs, it wasn’t written by my lovely boyfriend right here.”

“What are you doing?” Taeyong said up at him, looking around at all the people who had turned their attention over to him and laughing nervously. 

“Giving you the attention you deserve, babe,” Johnny told him, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Why don’t you come up here on stage with us since you love to claim that you’re part of the band, yeah?” Taeyong only blinked at him. Of course he wasn’t going to come up on stage. He hadn’t in the five, almost six years that they had been in the group quote unquote  _ together  _ and obviously wasn’t going to start now. “No?” Johnny said, pausing to give Taeyong one last chance. “Alright, then.”

Johnny walked back over to the middle of the stage, ignoring the way that both Jaehyun and Mark were looking at him. He turned his attention back to the men at the back of the bar, all visibly fuming at the way Johnny had effectively humiliated them in front of numerous other people.

“I can tell that you all are pretty pissed,” Johnny said with a quiet laugh. “Tell you what—first one to come up here gets to take a swing at me.”

“Johnny,” Jaehyun warned behind him through gritted teeth. “This is the first gig we’ve been offered since last month and you’re ruining it.”

“And what are we being paid? Like 63,000 won each? If that?” Johnny scoffed, turning around to raise a brow in Jaehyun’s direction. “I make more working at my shitty fucking job. Oh, wait—I don’t work there anymore.” He stopped to think about it, humming. “I guess I probably shouldn’t be fucking this up then, huh?”

“Have you lost your fucking mind, Suh?” Mark asked from behind him. 

“I don’t think I have,” Johnny answered easily, shrugging. He opened his mouth to continue but stopped upon seeing one of the men from the back standing in front of him. “Oh, hi—”.

He was almost immediately cut off by the feeling of the man’s fist colliding with the side of his face, nearly knocking him down to his ass. Johnny was only barely able to catch himself, his head pounding with the sudden collision. Christ. For someone so out of shape, the guy sure packed a fucking punch. 

“Fuck,” Johnny cursed, massaging his jaw with his hand. “You’re good at that.” He opened his mouth, moving it around until his jaw popped, filling him with this overwhelming sense of relief. “Give me one second,” Johnny said to the man in front of him.

He walked back over to Taeyong’s side of the stage and squatted down, holding his hand out for Taeyong to take. Taeyong hesitated a moment but ultimately did so, the confusion still clear on his pretty face. “I’ve got something that I want to ask you, Yong,” Johnny said, grinning. 

“I don’t think this is an appropriate time, Johnny,” Taeyong responded, doing his best to keep his voice low so that it wouldn’t be able to be picked up by Johnny’s microphone. 

“Oh, it’s as appropriate a time as any,” Johnny chuckled, letting go of Taeyong’s hand and standing back up. He turned his attention back to the audience who all now seemed to be more than interested in what was going on in front of them. “For seven years of my life, this man right here has been the center of my universe. We’ve spent every waking second with each other. Honestly, up until last year, I was ready to make him my husband.”

A couple of people coughed in response to that which Johnny wasn’t surprised to hear in the slightest. People still didn’t respect the idea of a man and another man being together. They never would. Johnny didn’t care about that though. 

“Since then I’ve realized that I would rather fucking  _ die  _ than willingly make a life–long commitment to him,” Johnny continued. “I mean, I’ve never met someone so fucking  _ bland  _ in my entire  _ life.”  _ He laughed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “You know what his dream is? Like, his actual dream?” The audience didn’t say anything in response. Johnny didn’t need them to. “He wants to go skydiving. That’s it. That’s his dream.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun said from behind him. “It’s time to stop.”

“I’m almost done,” Johnny promised. He turned back to Taeyong. “Lee Taeyong, you are easily the most boring, uninteresting, lifeless, unimaginative and every synonym of every single fucking word I’ve said person I’ve ever met in my entire life and I just want to ask you if you’d do me the honors of breaking up with me.” More silence. “Please?”

For a long moment, Taeyong didn’t say anything. Then he scoffed, shaking his head. “Fuck you,” Taeyong said, voice stuck in his throat. “I hope you fucking die.” 

Without another word, Taeyong turned around and went to walk off. It wasn’t until he reached the back of the bar that Jaehyun dropped his guitar and hopped off the stage, calling after Taeyong as he followed after him. Johnny laughed quietly as he watched the both of them go, eyebrows raised as he nodded.

“Well,” Johnny said, addressing the audience once again. “That didn’t go as bad as I had expected.”

He walked back over to the man who had punched him and bent down to place his microphone on the stage, standing back up to crack his neck to both the left and right. The man watched him carefully, waiting for him to make his next move.

“Alright,” Johnny muttered, stretching his arms high above his head. “Let’s do this thing.”

He lifted up his hands, ready to punch the man as hard as he had struck him. Unfortunately for him, before he could even send his arm out, Mark was stepping in front of him and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, not hesitating even a moment before decking him straight in his face, the collision so hard that for a moment, all Johnny could hear was a shrill ringing noise before he was collapsing to the ground and completely blacking out. 

* * *

**Day 3**

Okay, so that clearly didn’t work. Definitely wasn’t one of Johnny’s better ideas.

But being nice didn’t seem to work either. The next day, Johnny woke up with his jaw still aching—Mark sure did pack a fucking punch—and went about everything as cool as possible. He answered Taeyong’s phone call and thanked him for calling him in which he could hear Taeyong’s clear smile on the other end, hanging up with him on his way out the door with Taeyong’s proclamation that he loved Johnny which Johnny forcefully returned. 

Before the woman would even think about the coupon, Johnny made up a quick lie and told her that she was the 100th customer that morning and that everything she bought was on him. Jinwoo raised an eyebrow at him when the woman called him over and gushed at how sweet his employee was. When asked, Johnny said that he had done it because he felt nice. Jinwoo let him go home early and Johnny made sure to stop by the back, picking out an even bigger, much more extravagant balloon than the plain silver one that floated away from the little girl on the way out the door, handing it to her with a warm smile.

Practice went by well. Even though Johnny didn’t particularly want him to, he let Taeyong climb up on his lap and sit there as he scribbled down the lyrics of a new song he was currently working on. Johnny didn’t care but pretended that he did, humming along to everything that Taeyong was saying about the content of the song and what it meant to him. Jaehyun came in as anticipated and tossed Taeyong’s milk to him which Taeyong promptly gave to Johnny, telling him that he looked a little pale and needed something in him before they left out for their performance. 

Johnny wasn’t a child. He hated that Taeyong didn’t seem to realize that. Still, he accepted the carton from Taeyong and drank it, doing his best not to cringe at the chalky strawberry flavor. 

The performance went same as always. The men in the back shouted at them to do a better job. Only this time, instead of Johnny speaking out against them, Mark decided to. He put down his guitar and cursed at them, telling them to fuck off and get a life and that they looked even younger than he was so who did they think they were talking down to him and everyone that was on stage. Jaehyun ended up having to push him off stage when one of the men came up more than ready to throw a punch at Mark and Mark started rolling his sleeves, still shouting at the man as Jaehyun shoved him behind the curtain. 

Jaehyun ended up having to pull Mark away which left Taeyong and Johnny on their own. Johnny told Taeyong that he was gonna turn in for the night but Taeyong insisted on walking him home which Johnny couldn’t help but sigh at. He let Taeyong talk his head off until they were outside of his apartment, Taeyong still holding onto his arm. 

“I’m gonna go inside,” Johnny muttered, gesturing up to his building. He went to leave but Taeyong pulled him back gently. 

“Can I come up?” Taeyong asked quietly. Johnny raised a brow. “No, not like that. I mean—We haven’t really had any time alone lately.” Taeyong paused for a moment. “I miss you, John.”

They hadn’t been spending much time together lately. However, it was Johnny’s choice entirely. He didn’t want to be around Taeyong. It wasn’t anything personal—or, maybe it was. He didn’t know. All he knew was that the day was over and it seemed like he had made it through without any issue, meaning that he could finally continue on with the next day and his life. He didn’t want to have to drag it out any longer than he had to. 

“I’m really tired, Taeyong,” Johnny sighed, reaching down to pull Taeyong’s hand from where it was wrapped around his bicep. 

“But—”, Taeyong started, only to be interrupted by Johnny’s voice. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Johnny told him. Taeyong blinked up at him for a long moment, seeming to battle it in his mind. The disappointment was written clear on his face but Johnny couldn’t bring himself to care. All he wanted to do right now was go to sleep. 

“Okay,” Taeyong finally mumbled, nodding. “I’ll text you when I make it home.”

“Don’t bother,” Johnny said back, yawning. “I’ll be asleep by then.”

“Right,” Taeyong replied quietly. “You’ll call me tomorrow?”

“If I have time, Taeyong,” Johnny sighed, a little frustrated that he was still having this conversation with Taeyong and not inside his apartment. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Taeyong said which was all Johnny needed before he turned around and started to make his way towards the staircase that led to his unit. 

This was it. He had successfully made it through. By this time the last time he hadn’t forced himself asleep or been knocked out by his friend’s heavy fist, he had been struck by a car. If that didn’t happen, that could have only been good. Tomorrow, he would be able to wake up and carry on with his life like normal. These past couple of days would only seem like a bad nightmare to him. It was what he needed. 

That is, until he heard something coming from behind him. He turned around to hear the sound of wheels screeching—much like it had on the day all of this had started—and only caught a glimpse of a car swerving out of control and Taeyong looking up to see it a second too late before the car was slamming into him. Taeyong’s body rolled up onto the hood, cracking the glass before falling off and onto the street.

“What the fuck?” Johnny breathed, walking quickly over to the scene before breaking out into a sprint right as the driver of the car came out, frantically running over to check and see if the person they had struck was still alright. 

And Johnny was almost there, almost to where Taeyong’s body was laying limply on the asphalt as well as where the woman who had hit him was but before he could get there, his heart was giving a harsh, painful throb in his chest and his vision was going blurry before he was collapsing to the ground. He saw the woman look up and over at him, clear panic written on her face as she ran over to where he was. She was right in front of him, crouched down over him and shaking him to see if he was okay but Johnny was starting to not see straight anymore and the world was spinning above him before he was blacking out completely. 

The last thing he saw was Taeyong’s lifeless body laid out across from him, blood soaked into that familiar light purple sweater he had on and his pale hand. 

* * *

**Day 4**

Johnny woke up with a start. He was breathing heavily, sweating almost as furiously as he had the first night this had happened. He looked down at himself, checking frantically to see if he was still okay. Upon further examination, Johnny realized that exactly as he had woken up the past couple of days, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. 

So, what the fuck had happened last night?

He had died. Not only him, but Taeyong too. Taeyong had fucking died. Was that what had always happened? That first night that he had left him, had Taeyong made his way back home and face that same fate? When Johnny had called him out at the bar and he stormed out, what had happened then? Or, was this something new? Was this something caused by a change in what he had done that day? He didn’t understand this. None of it made sense. 

He crawled over the edge of the bed and dove for his phone, picking it up and unlocking it, immediately going to dial Taeyong’s number. Before he could even finish, he was interrupted by Taeyong’s contact picture popping up, signifying that he was calling him.

“Taeyong,” Johnny breathed into the receiver. “Are you okay?”

_ “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”  _ Taeyong responded, the frown evident in his voice. He paused a moment.  _ “And why are you breathing so heavily. Wow, did Jaehyun already convince you to start those morning runs? Unbelievable _ —.”

“Where are you at?” Johnny interrupted, pushing himself out of bed and walking over to the pile of clothes he had sitting out, pulling out the first shirt he laid eyes on. He moved the phone away from his ear and pushed the button to put it on speaker, sitting it down on the counter across from him as he slipped on the shirt. 

_ “Markie wanted me to help him with a song so I’m heading over to the _ —”.

“No, don’t go anywhere,” Johnny said, picking up his phone and taking it off of speaker, putting it back up to his face. He took a moment to think about it. “You said you’re close to our place, right? Have you passed by my apartment yet?”

_ “No,”  _ Taeyong responded.  _ “John, are you sure that everything’s okay? You sound really panicked.” _

“I’ll meet you,” Johnny told him quickly, already by the front door, slipping his sneakers on. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

_ “Okay,” _ Taeyong said, the uncertainty evident in his voice. _ “Don’t you have to go to work soon though?” _

“Don’t fucking worry about that, alright?” Johnny snapped, opening the door and stepping out into the warm afternoon air. “I’ll—Just stay where you are, Taeyong.”

_ “You don’t have to curse at me,” _ Taeyong muttered but by the way the shuffling on the other end had stopped, Johnny could tell that he had stopped walking. 

For a moment, Johnny considered apologizing. Ultimately, he decided against it. It was something small in the grand scheme of things. “I’ll be right there,” Johnny said before hanging up. 

He didn’t want Taeyong to die. Johnny might not have wanted to be with Taeyong anymore but he didn’t want him to  _ die.  _ No matter how tired Johnny thought he was of him, that was the absolute last thing he wanted. He didn’t understand what was going on but knew that no matter what, he had to make sure that nothing happened to Taeyong like it had the night before. 

Taeyong wasn’t too far away when Johnny actually found him which was good. He still had on that sweater and those light blue ripped denim jeans that Johnny had seen him in the last time they had been together. He smiled at Johnny when he approached, only for it to immediately fall when Johnny grabbed hold of his arm and started to drag him in the opposite direction.

“Johnny?” Taeyong asked, stumbling behind Johnny as he pulled him along. “Where are we going?”

“To your place,” Johnny said shortly. He didn’t know if taking Taeyong back home would change anything but figured that he could only try. Anything had to be better than him being out on the street. 

“What about Mark?” Taeyong questioned.

“I’ll text him and tell him that you’re busy,” Johnny muttered. He really wished that Taeyong would stop talking. 

“But our performance is tonight,” Taeyong continued and Johnny sighed loudly, whipping around to face him. 

“Can you just shut up and follow me?” Johnny snapped. Taeyong blinked up at him with his big eyes, clearly shocked by the way that Johnny had spoken to him. Nonetheless, he hesitated for only a moment before nodding slowly. 

The entire walk to Taeyong’s apartment gave Johnny time to think. This had to be the reason why he couldn’t escape this day. It was the only thing that made any sense. All he had to do was protect Taeyong from getting hurt and he would be able to move on. He didn’t know why it had to be him or why Taeyong had to be the one that died but that was the only thing that made any sense. 

When they got to Taeyong’s place, Taeyong stepped ahead and unlocked the door. He hadn’t said anything from the time Johnny had demanded for him to be quiet. Taeyong walked in and waited for Johnny to follow him, turning around when he noticed that Johnny hadn’t moved from the doorstep. 

“Why aren’t you coming in?” Taeyong asked. 

“I don’t need to,” Johnny told him because he felt as though he didn’t. As long as Taeyong just stayed inside, he would be safe. At least, that sounded right. Taeyong had gotten hit by a car and if he was stuck inside his apartment, there was simply no way that something like that could have happened to him. 

“What do you mean?” Taeyong said, frowning. 

“I mean I don’t—”, Johnny interrupted himself with a small sigh, running his hand through his hair. Once he thought about it more, he realized that it would probably be best for him to stay with Taeyong. After all, what was stopping Taeyong from leaving the moment that Johnny left? He needed to stick by him, needed to make sure that he stayed safe for the duration of that night. “Fine,” Johnny decided, pushing past Taeyong to make his way inside.

It had been awhile since Johnny had last been there. He couldn’t even begin to think of how long exactly. Two months? Three? Taeyong had given up asking Johnny to come over after Johnny had refused him time and time again. 

Taeyong’s apartment was small but quaint. It smelled like vanilla and was organized carefully. Taeyong didn’t like messy. It was the reason why he often came over to Johnny’s place to fix everything up. It never lasted for very long but Johnny had still appreciated the effort. Taeyong locked the door behind them and hung up his backpack on the rack beside it, toeing off his shoes next to Johnny’s. 

Johnny made his way into the living–room, some of the pictures hung up on the wall above the couch having caught his attention. He walked over to where they were, reaching up to trace the frame with his pointer finger. The first photo was a picture of him and Taeyong after Poet’s first major gig. It had been some music festival in Seoul and they had performed on the same stage as one of the biggest idol groups of that time. Not that many people stayed to watch after the group had up and gone but it was still just as exhilarating. Taeyong’s hair was still dark brown and he had just recently gotten a haircut that definitely wasn’t one of his best, his bangs trimmed right above his eyebrows. Still, he looked happy, clinging onto Johnny’s arm and smiling brightly. 

The second photo was one that Johnny had taken of the both of them when they had gone to Lotte World. They were standing at the entrance right in front of the scenic castles and Taeyong was kissing Johnny’s cheek. Johnny remembered that day fondly. He had talked Taeyong into going on this rollercoaster and Taeyong had screamed and cursed the entire time, cheeks a bright red by the time they had gotten off of the ride. He was angry at Johnny for talking him into something that terrifying but eventually let it go when Johnny serenaded him with an ice cream pop.

The third one was just him. Johnny couldn’t remember when it had been taken. He was at a table of what looked like an upscale restaurant in a tuxedo that was just slightly too big on him. He looked absolutely goofy with his hair all slicked back and definitely didn’t seem like he should have been in such a place but the one thing Johnny couldn’t help but notice was how happy he seemed. It was strange. You never really see happiness on yourself. You can feel it thrumming through your veins but it was rare to actually physically see it. 

“When was this?” Johnny asked, looking back at Taeyong who had come behind him to see what he was looking at. 

“Our two–year anniversary,” Taeyong told him. “We went to that fancy place in Busan, remember?”

Johnny didn’t. No matter how hard he thought about it, he simply couldn’t picture it in his head. Still, he nodded, not wanting Taeyong to make a big deal out of it. 

“Did you just hang that up or something?” Johnny asked and Taeyong paused a moment before nodding. He seemed almost embarrassed by it. 

“I liked it,” Taeyong explained quietly. 

Johnny didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t really feel a need to. Instead, he turned and sat down on the couch. It was so strange. Him and Taeyong had been together for so long and Johnny had been inside his apartment countless times but over the past year or so, Johnny had started to disconnect with the place. He visited less and less and eventually not at all until now, the place that he should have felt comfortable in almost felt like a stranger’s home. 

“Um,” Taeyong started, interrupting Johnny’s thoughts with an unsure little noise. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” Johnny said truthfully.

“I think I still have some jjigae in the fridge,” Taeyong said. “My mom was over here not that long ago and left me a shit ton of food.”

“You didn’t eat any of it?” Johnny asked and Taeyong let out a nervous little laugh, shaking his head. 

“You know I don’t eat that much,” Taeyong hummed. Johnny didn’t say anything in response to that. It had also been a really long time since he had shared a meal with Taeyong. It was so wild how you could be considered to be in a relationship with someone but didn’t actually spend any real time with them. “D–Did you want some?”

“Sure,” Johnny said and Taeyong seemed to go somewhat loose with relief. It was almost like he had been expecting for Johnny to turn him down or something which did make Johnny feel a little bad. 

Taeyong walked into the kitchen and pulled the refrigerator open, rummaging around until he picked out a container. It was labeled much like he labeled the food that he used to bring over to Johnny’s place. It was then that Johnny realized that Taeyong probably picked up his skill of being able to cook from his mother. 

He pulled out a pot and turned on the stove, opening the container and dumping everything that was inside of it in. He still looked nervous for a reason that Johnny still couldn’t figure out. It was almost reminiscent of the first time Johnny had come over. Taeyong was stumbling over his own two feet and dropping things much like he did when he worked himself up. He wasn’t quite like that now but Johnny could still catch the traces of it in Taeyong’s mannerisms. 

“Did you text Mark?” Taeyong asked and Johnny hesitated a moment before nodding. He hadn’t but figured that ultimately it wouldn’t matter. If everything worked out as it should, Taeyong would wake up the next morning and would be able to explain to Mark why he had suddenly bailed on practice. It wouldn’t be Johnny’s problem to mend. 

Another long pause. Johnny kind of couldn’t believe that it had gotten to a point between them where they couldn’t even talk to each other. 

“Why’d you want to come over here so badly?” Taeyong spoke up again. “I mean, I don’t really mind, it’s just—You know, you haven’t really been over in awhile.”

Johnny paused. He couldn’t really say that the reason he had pushed Taeyong back into his apartment was that he had seen him die the night before which was also going to be that approaching night and wanted to make sure that it didn’t happen again. On the walk there, Johnny had considered the possibility of Taeyong experiencing the same thing that he had but quickly remembered that Taeyong had had no clue what he was talking about the day that he had barged into the practice room and asked if he recalled being brutally broken up with the previous night. Plus, Johnny was pretty sure that Taeyong wouldn’t have been talking to him as easily as he was if he had been going through the same things Johnny had.

“I just wanted to hang out, I guess,” Johnny shrugged, watching Taeyong stand up on his tiptoes to reach for two bowls in the overhead cabinets. 

“Oh,” Taeyong hummed, almost like he had been expecting Johnny to say something else. “That’s cool.”

They didn’t talk after that. Taeyong got a ladle and poured both of them a bowl of the stew. Johnny watched him walk over and hand it to him, thanking him quietly under his breath. Taeyong sat on the table across from him which made Johnny cringe a little. Taeyong always propped himself up there and though Taeyong was lithe and light, the threat of the unstable table possibly collapsing underneath his weight always made Johnny a little nervous. 

Johnny lifted the spoon to his mouth and took a small sip. Taeyong didn’t talk to his family all that often. Their relationship had been strained since the moment that he had come out to them. He never spoke to his father but every so often his mother would visit and bring him things, updating him on how the family had been functioning. Whenever she did drop by, Taeyong always made sure to share what she left with Johnny who appreciated it. Just like her son, Mrs. Lee’s cooking was immaculate. 

“I have to ask you something,” Taeyong said quietly, causing Johnny to look up at him, raising a brow. He cleared his throat, building up the courage to say what was on his mind. “Did you call me here to break up with me?”

Johnny froze. It was such a blunt and blatant question. He hadn’t been expecting Taeyong to ask him that. Still, he couldn’t give him a direct answer. It was true that he wanted to break it off with Taeyong like he had wanted to for the past couple of days but felt it inappropriate to do so with the knowledge of what could possibly come next. With that being said, if everything worked out the way Johnny wanted—no,  _ needed _ —it to, it felt a little unfair for him to lie then and break it off with him the following day. 

“Wow,” Taeyong breathed out before Johnny could even respond. “I had thought so but had convinced myself that it wasn’t really possible. I guess that was really stupid of me.”

Again, Johnny didn’t say anything. What could he say? Everything that Taeyong was saying was true. There wasn’t a point in trying to talk him down from that ledge. With his lack of response, Taeyong put down his bowl next to him and sighed, his face filling with color like it always did when he was overwhelmed. 

“You know, if you didn’t want to be with me anymore you could have just said that,” Taeyong continued quietly. “I don’t know what I did wrong but don’t I at least deserve to know the truth?”

“I didn’t say that—”, Johnny started before being interrupted. 

“Forget it, okay?” Taeyong muttered, pushing himself up from the table. Johnny wasn’t expecting for him to reach over and snatch the bowl from his hands, picking up his own before walking into the kitchen to throw them both down into the sink. “Just get out.”

But—no. Johnny couldn’t do that. If he did that, he couldn’t control what Taeyong did. That meant that Taeyong’s life was in danger. He couldn’t leave. He wasn’t going to leave. That wasn’t going to happen. 

“I’m not leaving,” Johnny told him and Taeyong looked at him in disbelief before scoffing. 

“Hey, is this your idea of some kind of a sick joke?” Taeyong asked, venom dripping from his voice. “First you break up with me and now you won’t leave my apartment?”

“Taeyong, you don’t understand—”, Johnny started only to be once again stopped by Taeyong. 

“I  _ do  _ understand,” Taeyong hissed. “Johnny, you don’t look at me the same. Everytime I try to talk to you it’s like—It’s like you’d rather  _ die  _ than be around me. I don’t know what I did so wrong that made you hate me but you got what you wanted.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Now get the fuck out of my house.”

“I’m not leaving,” Johnny repeated which, unfortunately, seemed like the final straw for Taeyong. He let out a loud, frustrated noise before stomping over where Johnny’s shoes were and picking them up, walking back to where Johnny was and tossing them at him. Johnny was only barely able to catch them.

“Get out!” Taeyong shouted at him, his voice big in the otherwise silent space. “Get the fuck out or I swear to God I’ll call 112!”

And somehow that seemed even worse than being kicked out. If the police came and scooped Johnny up, he almost definitely wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was bound to happen. Plus, Taeyong looked really fucking hurt. Johnny had never seen him look like that before. He didn’t like it.

He put his shoes on the floor and slipped both of them onto his feet underneath the angry eye of Taeyong. When he was finished he stood and opened his mouth to say something, only to close it upon realizing that Taeyong almost definitely didn’t want to hear anything he had to say at the moment. So, without another word, Johnny walked over to the door and left. He could hear Taeyong immediately locking the door behind him.

He couldn’t leave. That definitely wasn’t an option. But what he could do was sit outside of Taeyong’s apartment and ensure that nothing happened to him. He sighed before sliding down onto the floor, stretching his legs out in front of him.

It felt shitty. Unlike the first and second time, Johnny genuinely felt remorse about what he had done. He didn’t know why. He wanted to break up with Taeyong. He wanted to walk a different path in his life and simply couldn’t do that with Taeyong by his side. But, even with this being said, Johnny couldn’t get rid of the sinking feeling in his stomach. A feeling of guilt and something else. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was but didn’t like it either way. To make a long story short, breaking up with Taeyong definitely hadn’t felt as freeing as it had the first couple of times.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Taeyong didn’t come out of his house which Johnny was thankful for. His phone went off every now and again. The first time was due to a call from his job—almost definitely related to the fact that he had completely neglected going—and the second was Mark demanding to know where he was. Jaehyun called a time or two as well. Johnny ignored them all, eventually resting his head on the door behind him and allowing himself to drift out of consciousness. 

He was woken up by the feeling of his head banging against the floor. He groaned and sat up, lifting a hand to rub at the spot that had taken the most damage. When he finally cracked an eye open, Johnny saw Taeyong standing over him, clearly surprised to see him there.

“What time is it?” Johnny asked.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Taeyong muttered before sighing. “I thought I told you to leave.”

Johnny pushed himself up from the ground and watched as Taeyong turned around and locked the door behind him. He was still dressed the same but the sky was dark. That had to have meant something. He couldn’t have been leaving out for the performance. Maybe it had passed. Maybe Taeyong had successfully made it into the following day. 

“Where are you going?” Johnny questioned, following after Taeyong as he made his way down the stairs.

“You don’t get to ask me that anymore,” Taeyong responded, quickening his steps. Unfortunately for him, Johnny was significantly taller than him which meant that five steps for him equaled out to about one step for Johnny.

“Are you going to the bar?” Johnny continued, catching up by Taeyong’s side. 

“The performance was an hour and a half ago,” Taeyong mumbled. “I didn’t go.” He stopped and looked up at Johnny, snorting quietly. “I’m assuming that you didn’t either.”

With that, Johnny slowed down a bit and pulled out his phone. It was only 10:24PM. Johnny couldn’t remember the exact time that Taeyong had gotten hit the night before but knew that he almost definitely shouldn’t have been outside. He blinked down at his phone until the clock struck 10:25PM before pushing it back into his pocket, jogging to catch up with Taeyong. 

“Isn’t it a little late to be out right now?” Johnny tried and Taeyong laughed. 

“You have a lot of nerve, don’t you?” Taeyong said back, continuing to walk. Johnny reached out and grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him. Taeyong looked down at where they were attached before turning his gaze up at Johnny. “Let go of me.”

“Taeyong, I—”, Johnny started before being promptly cut off by the feeling Taeyong snatching his arm away and carrying on his way. “Can you listen to me just for one second?”

“Did you fucking listen to me when I told you that if you didn’t want to be with me you should just tell me instead of stringing me along for years?” Taeyong yelled, turning around suddenly. Johnny could see the tears glistening in his eyes underneath the dim streetlight he was standing underneath. “How fucking long, Johnny? I mean, seriously. How long were you wanting to do this?”

Johnny didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to focus on that right now. All he wanted was for Taeyong to go back inside his house. He could hate him all he wanted. He could choose to never talk to him again. Johnny didn’t care. As long as Taeyong was safe and in his house and in a position where nothing could possibly hurt him, Johnny would be content. 

Unfortunately, his lack of response only pissed Taeyong off even more than before. “I don’t know what happened to you but you’re not the person that I fell in love with,” Taeyong spat at him. “Have a nice life, Johnny.”

And with that, Taeyong turned around and started off into the street. Johnny followed after him. Of course he followed after him. He didn’t know where Taeyong was going but absolutely couldn’t just let him walk off like that. When Taeyong’s safety was ensured he would leave him alone for good but until then, Johnny wasn’t going to go anywhere.

Taeyong heard his footsteps following after him on the pavement and stopped suddenly again. Johnny jogged out into the street and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the familiar sound of tires screeching against the wet asphalt. Both Taeyong and Johnny looked up at the same time to see a car swerving out of control, heading straight for Taeyong who saw it coming but seemed to be paralyzed with fear.

Johnny did the only thing that he could do. He ran out and pushed Taeyong out of the way of the car. That was about all the time he had before the feeling of metal was knocking him straight off of his feet, shattering some of his bones and stealing the breath right out of his chest. Then, much like how it had happened the first night, Johnny’s entire world went black.

* * *

**Day 5**

“Christ, I’m gonna go insane,” Johnny muttered to himself, looking up at the ceiling above him. He didn’t even have to make sure that it was the same day anymore. Everything sounded the same, looked the same and even smelled the same. Nothing had changed. 

He sat up eventually and sighed. What the fuck was he going to do about this? No matter what he did, either him or Taeyong ended up dying. It left him at a standstill. Clearly the universe wanted to teach him some kind of fucked up lesson. The only problem was that Johnny didn’t understand what the lesson was which left him stuck.

How did this work? If he kept doing this day over and over would he never age? Would he just be kept alive until the end of time? Was that the same for everyone around him? Was it the same for people in different countries? Johnny had so many questions and didn’t know who he needed to ask to get the answers. 

He went to get up but something caught his attention. It was rectangular and stuck out from underneath his old guitar case. He frowned and bent down to pick it up, pushing the case off from on top of it. It turned out to be an old binder. It was pink and had a bunch of Rilakkuma stickers decorated on the front, all surrounded by a small Polaroid photo of him and Taeyong.

Right. Taeyong used to be really into scrapbooking. It happened during the fourth or fifth year of their relationship. Taeyong had purchased himself a Polaroid and started documenting almost every single time they were together. Johnny didn’t mind all too much. It was rare to see Taeyong pick up a hobby other than writing music so he was just happy to see him expanding his horizons. He ended up abandoning it not even a year later which almost definitely had to have been with Johnny and him had first started to grow apart. Johnny started to become irritable everytime Taeyong brought that stupid camera out and told him on numerous occasions to stop taking pictures of him until Taeyong simply stopped trying.

Johnny opened the book and started to flip through. Most of the pictures were of him. Him brushing his teeth in the morning. Him eating breakfast. Him at the register of his job when Taeyong used to stop by and bring him lunch. Taeyong had wrote all throughout it, labeling the pictures with things like, “Sleepy Johnny <3” and “He just got a haircut”. Johnny hummed and moved to the next couple of pages which were more the both of them together. He zeroed in on a picture of him and Taeyong on his bed. It clearly was taken after sex judging by Taeyong’s pink cheeks and messy hair and the fact that he himself didn’t have on a shirt. The picture was a bit blurry which Johnny had to assume was due to the shakiness that always afflicted Taeyong after sex but the both of them were smiling brightly. 

“When did he leave this over here?” Johnny asked himself quietly, frowning as he continued to look through.

And like everything else, it was strange to see Taeyong like that. It wasn’t that Taeyong looked significantly unhappy with him recently but the difference was very apparent. Taeyong’s smile was much more brilliant than Johnny had seen it be in a long while. It looked real. Genuine.

Johnny looked at it for only a moment longer before closing it and putting it back where he had found it. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly, the sound of his phone ringing startled him. He flinched before looking over at the clock across from his bed, realizing that now was about the time that Taeyong would be calling. 

“Hey,” Johnny said once he had picked up the phone. 

_ “Hey,”  _ Taeyong said back.  _ “I was just calling to make sure you didn’t oversleep.” _

“I didn’t,” Johnny told him. It was the first time he had answered Taeyong in a way that wasn’t rude or aggressively. “Are you close?”

_ “Yeah, I’m just about to pass your apartment,” _ Taeyong said before pulling the phone away from his mouth to cough.  _ “Why?” _

Taeyong died in that exact same spot as every other time. Johnny’s placement had changed once but either way the both of them died in Seoul. The only thing that made sense to Johnny was for them to skip town and for him to try and figure it out that way. 

“Let’s go to Daegu,” Johnny proposed. Taeyong hesitated on the other end. 

_ “Daegu?”  _ Taeyong asked, the frown evident in his voice.  _ “Don’t you have to go to work today?” _

Even if Johnny didn’t show up to work today, it wouldn’t matter come the next day (Unless he got this shit figured out). However, Johnny very obviously couldn’t go about explaining this to Taeyong.

“I’ll call in,” Johnny ended up saying, pulling the phone away from his ear to slip on a shirt.

_ “We have that performance tonight, remember?”  _ Taeyong pointed out and Johnny couldn’t help but sigh because Taeyong was always so responsible about everything.

“We’ll be back before then,” Johnny promised, picking up his keys from the counter in the kitchen before walking over to the door. He slipped on his sneakers, balancing his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he tied them.

_ “Wa,”  _ Taeyong groaned quietly, taking a moment to think about it.  _ “I was gonna go help Mark with something but I guess I can ask Jaehyun to do it instead.” _

That was good. Johnny was getting somewhere. For a moment, he had been worried that Taeyong would turn him down. He stood back up and opened the door, stepping outside into the warm air.

“Sweet,” Johnny muttered, jogging down the staircase that led out to the front of his complex. “I’ll see you in a second.”

_ “Wait, you don’t know—”,  _ Taeyong wasn’t able to finish before Johnny was hanging up on him, stuffing his phone into his back pocket.

Like yesterday, it didn’t take Johnny long to find Taeyong. He was in that same outfit as every other time and had on that same old backpack that he had owned since his final year of high school. He frowned at the sight of Johnny, very obviously confused.

“How’d you know where I was?” Taeyong asked.

“Lucky guess,” Johnny muttered in response, reaching down to grab hold of Taeyong’s tiny wrist through his sweater. “You mind if we take your car?”

“Um,” Taeyong said, struggling to keep up with Johnny as he walked. “I guess so.”

Taeyong’s family was pretty wealthy. Or maybe they were just middle–class and Johnny, having been broke his entire life, didn’t know the difference. Either way, his apartment and car were both paid for by his mother who secretly wired him money every month. If his father found out he would put a stop to it immediately but so far, all was well. Taeyong very rarely used the car—driving often made him nauseous and he also liked to rest his head against the bus window and watch the passing scenery or feel the wind against his skin as he walked—but never really seemed to mind forking it over when Johnny asked.

When they made it to the car, Johnny immediately opened it and threw his own bag into the backseat before gesturing for Taeyong to take his own off and hand it to him. Taeyong did so hesitantly, still plagued with confusion as to what was happening.

“Did you plan this?” Taeyong asked as he climbed into the car, pulling his seatbelt over his chest.

“No,” Johnny said shortly, starting up the car.

“There isn’t really anything interesting in Daegu,” Taeyong mumbled, taking a quick moment to think about it. “Although I’m sure we could find a good ramen place somewhere.”

“Let’s worry about it when we get there, yeah?” Johnny proposed. He just needed silence right now. He needed to focus on driving and nothing else to ensure that they got there safely.

“Okay,” Taeyong said quietly.

He didn’t really talk all that much as Johnny drove, pulling onto the freeway on the road out of Seoul and into Daegu. At one point, he reached over and turned on the radio which Johnny promptly turned off with the loose explanation that he didn’t want to hear music like that at the moment. Taeyong looked up at him but ultimately didn’t say anything in response, instead focusing his attention out the window at all the passing cars.

The drive from Seoul to Daegu didn’t take too long. Right as Johnny pulled up outside of a random ramen place he had Googled as soon as he had crossed the border into Daegu Taeyong picked up his phone, holding it up to his ear.

“Hey,” Taeyong said softly, still facing the window. He paused for a moment. “Did Jaehyun not get there?”

With that, Johnny assumed that it was Mark on the other end. Despite being the youngest out of the four of them Mark was definitely the bossiest. He didn’t doubt that Mark was currently chastising Taeyong for not showing up as he had expected him to.

“Well we’re in Daegu,” Taeyong continued. Johnny could hear the frenzied shout of  _ “Daegu?!”  _ coming from the speaker of Taeyong’s phone. “It’s not even two and a half hours away, Markie.”

Another pause. During this one, Taeyong turned around and glanced back at Johnny before humming quietly into the receiver.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong said. “But we’ll be back before seven–thirty, alright? Promise.”

Mark must decide that’s okay because Taeyong is hesitating before nodding and breathing out a quiet little laugh in response to something that had been said.

“Okay, I’ll tell him,” Taeyong mumbled. “Okay, bye, Markie. I’ll see you later.”

With that, Taeyong hung up his phone, pushing it down in between his legs. He looked over at Johnny and raised an eyebrow.

“Um,” Taeyong started. “Mark said that if you’re not there by rehearsal he’s gonna punch you in the dick.”

Johnny couldn’t help but snort at that. Despite how hard Mark had decked him that day Johnny didn’t think that he could ever be scared or threatened by the younger. 

“Noted,” Johnny muttered, reaching down to pull the key out of the ignition. He handed them over to Taeyong who took them with a small noise. “You hungry?”

Taeyong looked up at the building they were sitting in front of before looking back at Johnny. “Seriously?” he questioned.

“Yeah,” Johnny responded. “You said you wanted ramen, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I just—”, Taeyong stopped himself abruptly, shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

Though he had cut himself off Johnny knew what he was going to say. It had to have been something close to at least half a year since the last time Johnny had taken him out somewhere. He had mentioned stopping for food earlier but Johnny doubted that Taeyong thought that it was actually going to happen.

Either way, Johnny decided not to push it. The last thing he wanted was to cause conflict between the two of them. Conflict led to anger and anger led to Taeyong storming off which was the last thing that Johnny needed. What he needed was to keep Taeyong out of Seoul until after ten–thirty. He didn’t know how he was going to finesse getting out of the performance that Taeyong clearly cared a lot about but figured that was something he could get handled later on.

“You ready?” Johnny asked and Taeyong nodded before going for his door, using the handle to push it open and let himself out. Johnny did the same.

The restaurant wasn’t too busy. It wasn’t very busy at all actually. The hostess came over and sat them towards the back near the kitchen which Johnny would have normally minded but figured that was the least of his worries at the moment. Taeyong thanked her quietly as they sat down and Johnny hesitated before parroted what he had said. She smiled in response and left without another word.

Their waitress came over and got their drink orders. The place was more Japanese inspired which Johnny didn’t mind all too much but he could tell that Taeyong was struggling a bit when it came to choosing what he wanted to eat.

“Why don’t you get the Tokyo Black?” Johnny finally piped up, causing Taeyong to look up at him. He blinked back at Johnny for a moment before following Johnny’s finger as he pointed to where what he was talking about was located on the menu. Johnny watched as he read the description with a small hum.

“Oh, I hadn’t seen that,” Taeyong muttered. “It sounds a little spicy though.”

“I can ask them to take out the jalapeños if you wanted,” Johnny suggested and Taeyong seemed to be taken aback a little, staring at Johnny for what felt like forever before finally nodding.

“U–Uh, yeah,” Taeyong said quietly. “That would be nice.”

When the waitress came back over Johnny ordered for the both of them. He didn’t even bother asking Taeyong how he wanted his egg cooked because he knew that his answer would prove to be the same as always—soft–boiled. Once she was finished, the small woman took both of their menus and promised that it shouldn’t have been more than ten or fifteen minutes before their food would be coming out.

It went quiet between them. Taeyong kept kicking his legs underneath the table and Johnny had to fight the overwhelming urge to reach in his back pocket for his phone. He was nervous. He had no clue how this route was set to end up and that only worsened his anxiety. What would he do if this didn’t work? What was the plan after that?

“Johnny,” Taeyong’s voice brought Johnny back down to Earth. He looked over at him, raising an eyebrow in question. Taeyong gnawed on his lip for a moment, hesitant to continue. “Why did you bring me here?”

Johnny didn’t understand the question. They were in a relationship. People who were together often went out to eat with one another. Sure, they hadn’t done it in awhile but that didn’t change anything. Right?

“I just didn’t want to be in Seoul anymore,” Johnny answered honestly. “It was suffocating me.” That part was true. It wasn’t the sole reason why Johnny had made the trip all the way to Daegu but it did definitely have something to do with it. He looked back at Taeyong, noticing him still chewing on his lip. He only did that when nervous about something. “Why?”

“You know how people take their boyfriend out to a public space and break up with them so they’re less likely to make a scene?” Taeyong asked and Johnny nodded. “Well, uh. That.”

It was strange. Johnny had known that he wanted to break it off with Taeyong for at least a month before he had actually done it and could feel the blatant disconnect between himself and Taeyong but had never once been under the impression that Taeyong knew or even had a clue about it. He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by their waitress coming back over. She sat down Taeyong’s bowl first, then his.

“Anything else I can get for you two?” she questioned. Taeyong shook his head and she looked over at Johnny who did the same. “Well, I’ll be close so if you need anything else don’t hesitate to call me, alright?”

“Okay,” Taeyong said back, smiling at her. “Thank you.”

With that, she left, leaving Taeyong and Johnny alone once again. Taeyong picked up his chopsticks and split his egg apart first, letting the yolk spill into his broth.

“It’s okay if you want to break up with me,” Taeyong proceeded softly, still stirring his ramen. “You should just tell me that you do.”

Johnny opened his mouth to respond before closing it. He didn’t know how or why but something was different than the day before. Even though Taeyong had told him that his decision was okay with him, Johnny didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to tell him how that was exactly what he wanted. It wasn’t like his feelings had abruptly changed. It was simply that instead of being brutal about the way he went about it, Johnny wanted to explain himself. He wanted to let Taeyong know his side of it all.

“I didn’t take you out here to break up with you,” Johnny started because he  _ hadn’t.  _ All he wanted to do was keep Taeyong safe. 

“Okay,” Taeyong said. “But if you want to you still should. Don’t drag it out.”

“It’s not that, it’s just,” Johnny stopped and sighed because even though this was something that he wanted to do he was having a hard time figuring out how to do it. “I mean, we’re not the same as we used to be, Taeyong.”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong almost immediately muttered. 

And that was what frustrated Johnny more than everything else. Taeyong had a nasty habit of letting everyone walk all over him and taking responsibility for things that weren’t his fault. He had done it while the both of them were still in school. He had done it for at least a year after Johnny had given up that opportunity to debut with what was now one of the biggest idol groups in Korea at the moment. He was doing it now by blaming himself for the fact that him and Johnny had drifted apart which didn’t make sense because if anything, Taeyong had been the one who was trying the most to maintain their relationship between the two of them. 

“It’s not—It isn’t your fault, Taeyong,” Johnny reassured the other quietly. “I just think it happens to all couples sooner or later.”

“I don’t,” Taeyong mumbled, his head still down. He hadn’t stopped stirring his ramen and Johnny didn’t think that he would. It was his way of keeping himself busy. 

“You’re a hopeless romantic,” Johnny pointed out. “I’m realistic. That’s the difference between us.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything after that. He picked up one half of his egg with his chopsticks before reaching over the table and plunking it into Johnny’s bowl. 

“You always complain that one egg isn’t enough,” Taeyong explained, unprompted. “I’m not all that hungry.”

Johnny sighed again but picked up the egg and pushed it into his mouth nonetheless. He felt bad about this. Not only bad but also uncertain. Something about it wasn’t right but Johnny didn’t know what. Maybe having to relive the same day over and over again was finally starting to get to him. It stayed quiet between the both of them for a little while longer. When Johnny had finished the piece of egg that Taeyong had donated to him and his own, Taeyong didn’t hesitate before tearing the half he had left into another half and giving part of it to Johnny. 

Johnny stared at it for a moment, watching it float in his bowl. This was shitty. This was a really shitty thing of him to do. But what was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. It was hard. He opened his mouth to finally speak and interrupt the silence between them but Taeyong beat him to it. 

“I think that we should break up,” Taeyong said, looking up at Johnny. 

“What?” Johnny asked, frowning. 

“I’m breaking up with you, Johnny,” Taeyong reiterated, a little more confident in what he was saying this time around. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

This was weird. It was weird, right? Taeyong had never broken up with him before. Johnny supposed that he had never given him the chance to do so but still. It stung. Johnny blinked back at Taeyong who only continued to stare at him, waiting for a reaction. 

“What?” Johnny finally said, letting out a shocked little laugh. 

“You said it yourself. We aren’t close anymore,” Taeyong explained quietly. “I mean, I was surprised that you took me out. I was surprised that you wanted to hang out with me. You’re my  _ boyfriend,  _ Johnny. I shouldn’t even have to think like that.”

Johnny didn’t say anything in response to that. He didn’t know what to say. Taeyong had a point and there was no way that Johnny was gonna argue with him about it. Luckily for him, their waitress was on her way back over to check on them. 

“How’s everything tasting?” she asked, offering them both a gentle smile. 

“Great,” Taeyong responded without missing a beat, smiling back at her. “But could I actually have the check?”

“Sure,” the woman said. “Was it going to be separate checks?”

Johnny said, “No, I’ll pay” at the same time that Taeyong said, “One check, please”. They both looked at each other for a moment and the confusion on the waitress’s face was apparent. 

“I’ve got it,” Johnny tried before Taeyong was shaking his head. 

“I’ll pay,” Taeyong said. Johnny opened his mouth to try and protest but Taeyong interrupted him with a firm, “I’ve got it, Johnny.”

Johnny decided that arguing with Taeyong was futile. There was no point in causing a fuss about something so small. He nodded and Taeyong turned back to the waitress and told her that he’d take the check. She nodded and promised to be back in a moment. 

When she was gone, it went quiet between the two of them again. Johnny wasn’t going to lie—it was awkward. More awkward than he could remember it ever being in the entire time he had been with Taeyong. He didn’t like it. Although, to be fair, he had almost practically asked for it. 

“What about the band?” Johnny asked because despite what he had said twice before, he knew that Taeyong always had been an integral part of Poet. 

“I’ll leave,” Taeyong said easily. “I mean, you’ve always told me I’m not really part of the band, right?”

Johnny went to respond to that but was interrupted by their waitress returning to the table. She put down the check in front of Taeyong who gave her a small bow in response. Johnny watched as Taeyong reached for his phone out of his back pocket (he had a nasty habit of keeping his debit card in the case which Johnny hated but Taeyong preferred) and slipped his card out, putting it on top of the receipt.

“I didn’t mean that,” Johnny said, causing Taeyong to look up at him again. 

“Didn’t mean what?” Taeyong asked quietly. 

“That you weren’t part of the band,” Johnny muttered as their waitress came back over and collected Taeyong’s card silently. “You are.” 

Taeyong blinked at him for a long moment before offering him a sad smile. “It’s been awhile since you’ve last said that,” he said which almost immediately struck Johnny with a harsh pang of guilt. 

“I’m sorry,” Johnny mumbled.

“Don’t be,” Taeyong told him right before the girl was returning his card to him. He bowed at her again and she thanked them both for coming. 

Johnny didn’t say anything as Taeyong scribbled down an amount for the tip on the receipt before pulling back out his phone and slipping his card inside. Once he was finished, Taeyong looked at Johnny again. Johnny could tell that he was having trouble figuring out what to say to him. 

“Um,” Taeyong finally said. “You don’t have to worry about driving me home.” 

“Taeyong, that’s—”, Johnny started before being interrupted by Taeyong once again. 

“I have a friend that lives nearby,” Taeyong explained. “I’ll just take a cab over to his place.”

“Your car,” Johnny pointed out. 

“Just drop it off at my place,” Taeyong told him without pausing for even a second.

“But what about the show?” Johnny questioned with a small frown. 

“You don’t need me to be there,” Taeyong reassured him as he stood up from his side of the booth, picking up his backpack where it had been sitting next to him. “Tell Mark and Jaehyun that I’m rooting for them.” He hesitated for a moment. “You too.”

Then, with that, Taeyong was walking out. Johnny watched him go without trying to stop him. After all, what was the point? His objective had been to keep Taeyong out of Seoul and seeing that Taeyong basically had said he was going to stay in Daegu for the night, he had been successful in doing so. Shouldn’t he be happy with what he accomplished? Shouldn’t he be relieved with the fact that Taeyong had broken it off with him like he had desperately been wanting? Johnny sat there for only a little bit longer before pushing himself up from his seat.

“Have a nice day, Sir,” the hostess said at the front when Johnny passed by her. Johnny nodded in response, giving her a polite little bow. 

Once in Taeyong’s car Johnny hesitated. This was weird. It was definitely weird. But it was what he wanted. A couple of days ago, he would have been jumping for joy at the fact that not only had Taeyong broken it off with him without any trouble but he had also left the band which in turn severed any and all connection between them entirely. He should have been happy about this. 

But he wasn’t. 

Johnny didn’t bother going to the performance. As soon as he made it back to Seoul, he dropped Taeyong’s car off at his place and walked back to his apartment, unlocking the door and immediately kicking his shoes off when he stepped inside. The sun had just started to sink out of the sky to be replaced by the moon. Johnny shrugged off his shirt and flopped down on his bed, blinking up at the water–stained ceiling above him. It wouldn’t be long until Mark was set to be texting him to demand to know where he was. Of course, Johnny would ignore it. 

He ended up falling asleep pretty easily with a hard, uncertain feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know whether or not it had to do with his nerves about whether or not his plan would turn out to work or a strong feeling of regret overwhelming him. He slipped out of consciousness before he was able to determine which of one of them it was. 

* * *

**Day 6**

The first thing Johnny did when he woke up was check his phone. He squinted down at the time that stared back at him—11:26AM, November 13th. It hadn’t worked. It hadn’t fucking worked. 

What had happened last night? Did Taeyong end up hitching a ride back to Seoul? Or did Johnny’s plan simply not work? Did it not matter where Taeyong was? It also didn’t make sense about himself either. Did he die in his sleep or something? Why did it feel like he made it through the day without any issue while Taeyong didn’t? Nothing about this made any sense. 

Johnny was frustrated. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He was almost certain that he wasn’t going insane but at the same time couldn’t rationalize that being true. After all, what other reason could explain the fact that he was having to relive the same day over and over again was there that made sense? If this was some kind of test from the Big Guy Upstairs, Johnny wasn’t getting it. He didn’t know what to do. 

He felt helpless. He couldn’t tell anyone about what was happening without them looking at him like he was insane. He couldn’t get any help. Most importantly, he was being forced to sit back and watch someone who he cared about die over and over again. No matter what he did the same thing seemed to happen. It was like he was living in this perpetual loop and wouldn’t change no matter what he did. And maybe he was. He didn’t know. That was what frustrated Johnny the most. He didn’t fucking know. 

His phone rang as scheduled. He stared down at Taeyong’s contact image for a long moment before finally picking up, holding the device up to his ear. 

“Can you come to my apartment?” Johnny asked before Taeyong could speak. There was a slight pause. 

Then,  _ “Why?”  _ Taeyong said back.  _ “Is there something wrong?” _

“No,” Johnny responded honestly, running a hand through his hair slowly. “I just want you to come over.”

Another pause.  _ “I mean, I was gonna go help Mark out with something but I guess I can stop by,”  _ Taeyong decided with a quiet hum.  _ “Are you sure that everything is okay?” _

“It’s fine, Taeyong,” Johnny reassured him. “You’re close, right?”

_ “Like two or three minutes away,”  _ Taeyong explained before hesitating.  _ “How’d you know that?” _

“My Spidey senses,” Johnny said and Taeyong chuckled a bit on the other end. When they had first started dating, Johnny had this habit of catching things right as they dropped—mostly Taeyong, who was as clumsy as all can be and tripped over himself or nothing at all more often than not—and it easily became a recurring joke between the two of them. Johnny had abandoned saying it a long time ago but knew that Taeyong immediately got the reference as soon as he said it. “I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

_ “Okay,”  _ Taeyong said back softly before the phone was disconnecting. 

Johnny was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t figure out how to fix this all. All he wanted to do was move on and he wanted to move on into a world where Taeyong was still alive and well. The issue was that he didn’t know how and until he did, he was doomed to live like this—stuck. At this point, the only thing he could think of to do that he had control over was ensure that Taeyong at least had a nice final day.

Taeyong didn’t take that long to come. Johnny was waiting for him at the door when he came up which seemed to surprise him if the look on his face was any indication. He quickly recovered and gave Johnny a gentle smile, reaching a hand up to pull on the left strap of his backpack. Johnny was easily able to recognize it as a nervous habit that he had.

“Hey,” Taeyong said. “What’s up?”

Johnny could tell that he was still a bit wary of the situation. He didn’t blame him. He would be if he was in Taeyong’s shoes.

“I can’t want to see my boyfriend?” Johnny asked softly and Taeyong opened his mouth to respond before closing it.

“Right,” Taeyong finally ended up saying. He looked over Johnny’s shoulder to see the inside of his apartment. “Christ, when’s the last time you cleaned?”

Johnny turned around to look. He supposed that the state of his home wasn’t the best. There were old dishes and containers strewn around the small space along with dirty clothes intermixed into the clean ones. His bed was unmade and there were at least a dozen crumpled up papers tossed at the foot of the bed where Johnny had tried and failed to write out a melody.

He turned back to Taeyong and reached up a hand to scratch the back of his neck, making a face. “A month ago?” In reality, Johnny didn’t know if that was true. He was kind of disgusting. “You still wanna come in?”

“I definitely want to,” Taeyong scoffed quietly before pushing past Johnny to walk in, toeing off his shoes at the door. He sat his backpack down on the floor and immediately went to tidying things up.

“Oh, wait, Taeyong,” Johnny tried, shutting the door behind Taeyong as he walked over to the kitchen and dumped all the crumbs and debri he had scooped up into the trash before moving to the refrigerator. This day was supposed to be about Taeyong. He doubted that cleaning up a filthy apartment was something a person would have chosen if they knew it was their last day on the planet. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Of course I do,” Taeyong said. He bent down to peer inside the fridge. “Have you eaten?”

There it was. Taeyong had the tendency of acting like his mother which usually Johnny couldn’t stand. However, in that particular moment Johnny couldn’t really find himself to care. In fact, he almost welcomed it.

“I haven’t,” Johnny responded honestly. 

“God, everything in your fridge is so old,” Taeyong muttered to himself, pulling out the yogurt that Johnny had seen far too many times. He inspected it for a long moment before plucking it into the trash. “You wanna order something?”

“Sure,” Johnny answered, deciding to help Taeyong clean by picking up a huge pile of clothes and dumping it into the basket across from his bed. 

“Tteokbokki?” Taeyong asked.

“Whatever you want,” Johnny supplied which once again seemed to surprise Taeyong. He made a small face at Johnny before laughing quietly.

“What’s gotten into you today?” Taeyong said accusingly, shutting the refrigerator. 

“Nothing,” Johnny responded. “Seriously, get the tteokbokki if that’s what you want. I’ll eat anything.”

Taeyong started at him for only a little bit longer before nodding and pulling out his phone. He typed something up and eventually held the phone to his face, greeting whoever had answered with a cheery voice.

And it was strange. Throughout the past couple of days Johnny had felt nothing but disdain for Taeyong. Every interaction with him frustrated him to no end for a reason that he wasn’t quite sure of. But now when Johnny watched Taeyong list out his order to the employee on the other end of the line he couldn’t help but feel something similar to fondness. While he was staring Taeyong’s eyes met his. Taeyong blinked back at him for a moment before he was smiling. Johnny smiled back. Then the person on the other line must say something because Taeyong’s attention is suddenly focused back on his conversation and he’s apologizing.

Johnny continued to clean as Taeyong finished up the call. At one point he found an old brown hoodie on the floor and picked it up, holding it up to his nose to take a whiff of it before deeming it acceptable and pulling it on.

“They said it’ll be about a half an hour,” Taeyong said once he hung up the phone, placing it down on the countertop in front of him.

“That’s fine,” Johnny responded without looking up, moving to start gathering up all the abandoned pieces of paper before standing and making his way over to the trash in the kitchen.

When he was finished throwing them all away he was met with the sight of Taeyong staring deeply at him. He looked back and raised a brow in question.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Taeyong asked, breathing out a nervous little laugh. “You’re in a, like, ridiculously good mood. It’s almost scary.”

Another pang of guilt hit Johnny. He was acting completely normal. Like any human being did when around someone they knew and cared about. Taeyong just wasn’t used to that because of how abrasive and rough Johnny’s personality had gotten over the past couple of years. He expected to ask a question and get immediately snapped on. He expected for Johnny to treat him like shit and didn’t even see anything wrong with it.

“I’m fine, Taeyong,” Johnny finally said, shaking his head. He reached out and poked the lenses sitting on the bridge of Taeyong’s straight nose. That was different. He had never noticed Taeyong wearing those before. “Glasses?”

“I lost my contacts,” Taeyong explained, pouting a little. “I’ve got to call my doctor and ask him to prescribe me some more because I hate these things.”

That was weird. In all the November 13ths that Johnny had gone through, Taeyong had never worn his glasses. Was that a flaw in the system or something? Was the way that he was reacting to everything changing how the day went by? Johnny frowned at the thought of it. He couldn’t rationalize any reason why Taeyong would suddenly be losing his primary way of vision when he hadn’t any other day.

“Johnny?” Taeyong asked, his uncertain voice interrupting Johnny’s thought process.

“Sorry,” Johnny muttered, shaking his head. “I hope you end up finding them.”

“Me too,” Taeyong hummed with a small nod. He stared up at Johnny for only a little while longer before continuing to clean up the space.

It didn’t take them all that long to get most of everything tidied up. They were almost halfway done when the bell rang. Taeyong was in the bathroom stood up on a stool to reach something on the top shelf of one of the cabinets so Johnny got the door, using the last bit of money he had gotten from his last paycheck to pay for the food and the tip for the young girl who had delivered it. When Taeyong came out of the bathroom and saw Johnny with the bags of food he frowned, huffing quietly like he did when he was annoyed.

“I would have paid for the food,” Taeyong pointed out.

“I got it,” Johnny reassured him, setting the bags down on the highest kitchen counter and starting to dig through them. He gestured over to his bed with his elbow. “Go sit.”

Taeyong hesitated but did so nonetheless. Johnny took out both of the containers and bent down to pick up the small table that he could balance on his bed, able to carry all three items over to where Taeyong was without too much of a struggle. He handed Taeyong his container and chopsticks, setting his own down on the unoccupied spot on the bed across from Taeyong.

“Does this go down any lower?” Johnny asked after he had set his container down on the table, frowning as he peered over at the side of the thing at the handle that he hoped would lessen the height. He twisted it and the table promptly collapsed on one end, Johnny only barely to catch his food before it went spilling onto the floor.

The sound of Taeyong laughing caused him to look up. He smiled a little, readjusting the table. “Spidey senses,” Johnny said and Taeyong laughed a bit louder, nodding.

“Spidey senses,” Taeyong parroted, still giggling. 

Johnny unwrapped his food at the same time as Taeyong’s who frowned down at his container.

“Did they forget your sundae?” Taeyong asked and Johnny looked down to realize that they had. 

“Yeah,” Johnny nodded and Taeyong sighed.

“Ah, wait a moment,” Taeyong said before moving to stand up from the bed to grab his phone from the kitchen. Johnny stopped him.

“It’s fine, Taeyong,” Johnny reassured him. “I’ve been gaining weight anyway.”

“Don’t be silly,” Taeyong scoffed but sat down nonetheless. “You’re fine.”

“You only say that because you’ve got fast metabolism,” Johnny pointed out and Taeyong laughed, unwrapping his chopsticks.

It was true. Johnny was convinced that Taeyong could eat an entire house and not gain a single pound. Taeyong was impossibly tiny. The biggest Johnny had seen him was a picture Taeyong had shown him of himself back in middle school during his growth spurt.

“True,” Taeyong admitted. “But also because you’re fine the way you are.” He picked up a piece of his sundae and reached over to place it down on Johnny’s plate and did the same with about four more pieces. “There. Now it’s even.”

Johnny looked at Taeyong’s plate. He had five just like he had. He opened his mouth to protest and tell Taeyong that he didn’t need to give him his food but decided not to.

“Thank you, Yong,” Johnny said before picking up a piece and pushing it into his mouth. It didn’t take him long to realize that Taeyong was staring at him again and he swallowed before asking, “What?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Taeyong said quickly, shaking his head. He must not have realized that he had been staring. “You just haven’t called me that in awhile.”

“Really?” Johnny asked and Taeyong hummed in response, chewing slowly. “Oh.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything in response to that. Johnny didn’t need him to. They ate quietly. Every so often Taeyong would pick something up off his plate and pass it over to Johnny who would do the same in return. It went on like this until they both barely had any food left.

This felt familiar. Johnny couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times he had done this exact thing with Taeyong. However, he could remember the last time they had done it. It was comfortable. Johnny enjoyed it. It was a foreign feeling to him but he liked it nonetheless.

“You wanna know something weird?” Taeyong piped up out of nowhere. Johnny hummed and looked up at him, still chewing. “I had this, like, feeling that you were gonna break things off with me today. When you asked me to come over I actually thought that was the reason why.”

Johnny knew that. From the last time they had been together he knew that Taeyong had an idea of the impending doom of their relationship. If Johnny wanted to, he could have used this particular moment to do exactly what Taeyong had been anticipating him to do.

But he didn’t want to. That was the difference between today and all those other days. He didn’t know why or when he had experienced this sudden change of heart but knew for certain that the last thing he wanted to do in that moment sitting in front of Taeyong who had a bit of tteokbokki sauce slathered on the corner of his mouth was break up with him.

“Seriously?” Johnny asked and Taeyong hesitated a moment before nodding. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to get rid of me.”

“Good thing you know better,” Taeyong smiled before picking up his last piece of tteokbokki and placing it down on Johnny’s plate. Johnny sighed but still ate it without complaint.

It wasn’t until Johnny had gotten up to throw away all their mess and Taeyong had rolled over onto his back on his bed that Taeyong suddenly gasped and sat up, looking over at Johnny who had just closed the trash bin.

“We’ve got that performance tonight,” Taeyong said.

“We do,” Johnny muttered, nodding. He had no real intention of going to that. Didn’t really see any plausible reason to do so.

“Shouldn’t we be practicing with Markie and Jaehyun?” Taeyong asked as Johnny came back over and sat down in the spot next to him.

“You know that new song you were talking about the other day?” Johnny questioned, completely ignoring what Taeyong had said.

Taeyong hesitated a moment, torn between talking about what he had been working on and addressing the fact that Johnny had completely ignored him. He must decide that the former is more important, answering with a small nod.

“I didn’t think you had been listening,” Taeyong admitted quietly.

“I was,” Johnny told him. “You mind showing it to me?”

“Sure,” Taeyong hummed before climbing off of the bed. He walked over to where his backpack was, bending over to unzip it. Johnny watched as he shuffled through the bag before pulling out a couple of pieces of paper that had definitely seen better conditions.

He came over and handed it to Johnny, sitting back down next to him with a quiet huff. Johnny immediately recognized Taeyong’s messy rushed handwriting. That was another thing that he hadn’t seen in awhile. As his disappointment in the success of the band grew more and more Johnny began to lose interest in the idea of singing new music. He didn’t see a point in it. Who cared? It wasn’t like anyone was listening to them anyway. He began to reject Taeyong’s attempt to give them a new sound until Taeyong eventually stopped trying altogether, writing in silence as Johnny, Mark and Jaehyun practiced the same songs he had first written years back.

Johnny could practically feel Taeyong’s nerves as he read over the lyrics scribbled down on the pages. A lot of them were scribbled out as Taeyong went through his process of trying to figure out what he liked and what he didn’t. Still, even through all the slight grammatical errors and stray pencil markings Johnny could tell that the song was pretty. Almost everything that Taeyong wrote was sensational but this was different. He shuffled through to the next page to read the music that Taeyong had drawn out. 

“Well?” Taeyong asked, nervous.

“It’s,” Johnny stopped to swallow, shaking his head. “I mean, Yong—It’s gorgeous.”

“Really?” Taeyong questioned, his face brightening up at the compliment.

“Yeah,” Johnny confirmed, letting out a quiet laugh. “How long have you had this?

“A little over a month,” Taeyong admitted and Johnny hummed. He couldn’t help but think about how much of an idiot he was for neglecting Taeyong’s work like he had. “I wanted you to sing it.”

“Me?” Johnny asked. “When?”

“Tonight,” Taeyong explained eagerly. “At tonight’s performance.”

And, like. Johnny wanted that. He really wanted to go meet up with Mark and Jaehyun and see how it sounded as a whole. But more than that he didn’t want Taeyong to possibly get hurt. If they were out that would put him in danger. Sure Johnny was focused on making Taeyong happy for this day but he still wanted to try to avoid what seemed like the inevitable.

“I’m not going,” Johnny said, shaking his head. Taeyong’s face fell.

“What?” Taeyong asked quietly. “Why?”

“I just—I don’t feel like it,” Johnny muttered, handing Taeyong back his music. He didn’t know how to explain it in a way that made sense.

“But it’s the first gig we’ve gotten in months,” Taeyong continued. “Jaehyun and Mark are really looking forward to it. I–I’m looking forward to it, Johnny.”

“I don’t feel well enough to perform,” Johnny lied.

“Oh, that’s bullshit,” Taeyong scoffed, shaking his head. “Johnny, I get it if you’re nervous but you can’t just drop out of this. You have an obligation—.”

“I’m not fucking going, okay?” Johnny snapped suddenly, interrupting Taeyong promptly. “And you’re not going either.”

“What?” Taeyong said, his eyebrows furrowing. “Fuck off—of course I’m going, Johnny. You are too.”

Johnny really didn’t want to argue. That was the last thing he wanted. But he didn’t want to go out even more. He couldn’t control what Taeyong did when they were out. Here in the safety of his home Johnny felt much more able to do so. He couldn’t let Taeyong leave.

“Can’t we just stay here for the night and reschedule?” Johnny tried.

“No, we can’t reschedule,” Taeyong answered with a harsh frown. “Johnny, it took me so long to even convince this guy to even let us on stage.” He paused a moment and sighed. “If you don’t want to perform my song then you can just say that but don’t take it out on everyone else, okay?”

“That’s not—No, Taeyong, that’s not why I’m saying that,” Johnny explained, frustration lacing his voice. “I just want to stay in. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“You can’t just bail on this,” Taeyong breathed.

“Yes I fucking can, Taeyong!” Johnny yelled suddenly and the air went quiet. Taeyong blinked at him for a long moment before scoffing again and pushing himself up from the bed. It was then that Johnny realized he had fucked up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m fucking leaving,” Taeyong snapped in response, already at the door and beginning to slip his shoes back on. “I don’t know what your problem is but I’m not dealing with it, Johnny. Not today.”

“Wait, Taeyong,” Johnny called, getting up from the bed too. Taeyong didn’t listen to him, still tying his shoes. “Taeyong,” Johnny tried again to no avail.

It was so frustrating. Johnny hadn’t wanted to have to react like that but he didn’t know what else to do. He was tired. These last couple of days had been terrible and all he wanted to do was ensure that Taeyong stayed safe but there was no way for him to explain that because it didn’t make any fucking sense what he was going through. Now Taeyong was pissed off and going to leave and the same thing that had been happening every single day was bound to happen again.

He hadn’t even realized that he had started to cry until noticing how Taeyong’s face had softened. He stood up from the floor, left shoe still untied.

“Johnny?” Taeyong asked gently. “Why are you crying?” 

Johnny didn’t know. Frustration? Concern? Anger? Regret? He couldn’t pinpoint it anymore. It was all starting to get a bit too much for him. He huffed and shook his head, rubbing both hands over his face in an attempt to get himself to stop crying.

“I just—Fuck, Taeyong, I just really need you to stay with me tonight,” Johnny got out, shaking his head. “I can’t explain it but I need you here with me.”

“Is there something wrong?” Taeyong questioned.

Everything? Nothing? The fact that you’re dying and there’s nothing I can do about it? The fact that I’m dying and it’s terrifying? The fact that I’ve been stuck in the same day for almost an entire week? Johnny didn’t even know what to say. He wanted to spill everything and nothing all at once.

“I just want you to stay,” Johnny repeated quietly. “I don’t want to go out.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything for a long moment. Johnny was almost certain that he was going to turn him down which he didn’t even know how to handle if that was going to be the outcome of this all.

But, in the end, Taeyong nodded and grabbed hold of Johnny’s arm, caressing him carefully. “Okay,” Taeyong reassured him softly. “We don’t have to go anywhere. I’ll tell Mark and Jaehyun.”

“Thank you,” Johnny breathed out, overwhelmed with this sense of relief. “Thank you so much, Yong.”

“You’re welcome,” Taeyong hummed, taking a moment to kick off his shoes before walking them back over to Johnny’s bed. “You’ve been pretty out of it today, John. Wanna take a nap?”

Johnny did. But he also didn’t want to risk Taeyong possibly going out while he lacked consciousness. “I don’t want you to go anywhere either,” Johnny clarified and Taeyong shook his head. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Taeyong reassured him. “I’ll be right here all day and all night.” He stopped to look around the small apartment. “I’ve got to finish cleaning up anyway.”

Johnny chuckled a little and nodded, letting Taeyong push him down into bed. He stared at him for a moment. At his soft hair that had gone a bit frizzy with how much he had dyed it over the years. At the nickel–sized scar underneath his eye behind his glasses. At his thin, somewhat bony fingers. Johnny hummed and let out another soft laugh, causing Taeyong to make a small noise in response questioning the sudden outburst.

“What’s up?” Taeyong asked and Johnny shook his head again.

“Nothing,” Johnny told him. Taeyong looked back at him for a second or two before scoffing and nudging his shoulder.

“Go to bed already,” Taeyong muttered which only caused Johnny to laugh again.

He slipped out of consciousness not too much longer after that, only realizing at the cusp of it that him falling asleep might very well restart the whole day. Unfortunately for him, it was far too late for him to do anything.

Johnny didn’t dream of much. At least nothing he could remember. He could only barely recall seeing Taeyong in his school uniform with his too–big blazer sitting in the back of the cafeteria eating the lunch that his mother had packed for him. They had first met when Johnny had approached him, explaining that it was his duty as class president to make sure that no student felt out of place. Taeyong had responded and pointed out that Johnny was two whole grades older than him and that it shouldn’t matter what he did because he wasn’t in his class which Johnny couldn’t say much to at first because Taeyong had a bit of a point. In the end, Johnny spent the rest of the period sitting next to Taeyong on the floor, eating the rice that Taeyong continuously shared with him completely unprompted. 

When Johnny woke back up it was dark outside. He blinked his eyes open before closing them, overwhelmed by the bright light shining in from the kitchen. Still, in that half a second that they had been opened, he had seen Taeyong mulling around in the kitchen, humming quietly to himself. If Taeyong was still there that meant that the day hadn’t gone back, right? Wasn’t that good?

“What are you doing?” Johnny rasped out. He heard Taeyong turn around.

“I’m making mandu,” Taeyong explained. “You hungry?”

Johnny actually was. He nodded and Taeyong chuckled, turning back around to continue cutting whatever it was that he was cutting.

Had he done it? Had he successfully saved Taeyong’s life and his own? He didn’t want to believe it at first but couldn’t find any other explanation for the fact that Taeyong was still standing upright, cooking him dinner like it was nothing. This had to be a good thing. It could only be a good thing.

“I was worried that you weren’t ever gonna wake up,” Taeyong commented from in the kitchen as Johnny sat up on the bed.

“Why?” Johnny asked, yawning quietly. “What time is it?”

“About ten–thirty,” Taeyong said back cheerily and Johnny’s stomach almost immediately dropped. 

“Taeyong,” Johnny breathed, standing up from the bed to make his way over to Taeyong in the kitchen. Taeyong flinched and moved to turn around, startled by how close Johnny’s voice had suddenly gotten. It happened too fast. The knife slipped from where he was holding it and sliced against his skin. Taeyong gasped out in pain and looked down to where he was still holding the utensil, blood spurting out from where he had cut through it.

The knife dropped first. Then Taeyong. Johnny dropped down with him, catching him before he could hit the floor. He panicked. This couldn’t be happening. Taeyong only ever died outside where that car slammed into him. They were inside. How had this happened? Why was it happening?

“Fuck, Taeyong, why—Taeyong, no,” Johnny gasped out, doing his best to apply pressure to the wound.

“Shit, that’s a lot of blood,” Taeyong said shakily and it was. It was practically pouring out of him. Johnny had never seen so much in his life.

Johnny took hold of Taeyong’s hand and placed it down on the wound. “Just keep your hand here, okay? Can you do that for me?” Taeyong nodded but it was clear that he couldn’t do as much as Johnny had with how badly he was trembling. “A little harder, Yong.”

“Y–You scared me,” Taeyong breathed, blood pouring past his fingers. “I didn’t m–mean to.”

“I know you didn’t,” Johnny reassured him. “Just keep holding it like that.” 

With that, Johnny got up and went for his phone on the bed. He could still help Taeyong, could still get him some help. It wasn’t futile yet and he wasn’t going to let it be. He quickly dialed 112 and held it up to his ear, hearing it ring.

“112, what is your emergency?” the operator said in a smooth, calm voice.

“Hi, y–yes, my boyfriend,” Johnny had to stop, feeling himself suddenly start to lack air. “My boyfriend a–accidentally cut himself and he’s bleeding—he’s bleeding out really b–ad.”

“Sir, are you alright?” the woman said and Johnny honestly didn’t know because he can’t find the breath to answer and he’s terrified.

“I–I’m fine,” Johnny still managed to get out. “I live in Sam—Samcheong–dong. In Sajik–ro. Apart—Apartment—.”

Johnny didn’t have it in him to finish. His breath felt tight and he was desperately gasping for air, dropping his phone on the bed in front of him. He could hear the operator still asking him if he was okay and to repeat his address again but he just couldn’t.

“Johnny,” Johnny heard from behind him, turning around to see Taeyong still on the floor, blood steadily pouring out of his wound at an even quicker rate than before.

“T–Tae—Taey–ong,” Johnny wheezed.

“It’ll be o–okay,” Taeyong reassured him, his eyes slowly closing and Johnny was so frustrated because why did this keep happening? He could see the life leaving Taeyong and it was fucking terrifying.

He reached for his phone again and managed to grasp the edge before his grip failed him and the phone went toppling to the floor. The last thing Johnny heard before his vision went black was the sound of the operator still speaking to him on the other end of the phone.

* * *

**Day 7**

“Fuck!” Johnny shouted when he woke up again in the same spot he did every other time. He sat up and picked up one of the pillows behind him, chucking it across the room.

What was he supposed to do? Literally what was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. He had tried fucking everything. He had tried to keep Taeyong safe by taking him out of Seoul and that hadn’t worked. He had tried to keep Taeyong safe by keeping him in his house and that hadn’t worked. He didn’t believe that the only option was for him to let it happen because if that were true, he wouldn’t have kept waking up in the same place on the same day.

If this was some type of lesson to make him reflect on how shitty he had been Johnny understood. He fucking got it. He didn’t need to live through this torture anymore. It wasn’t fair. He was trying to do right and every single time it didn’t work. He was beyond frustrated and more than scared. Fuck the universe. Fuck whoever was doing this to him. Fuck this whole thing. He was tired.

Johnny picked up his phone and threw it before it could even ring. He got up and walked into the kitchen, yanking the fridge door open and immediately going to throw everything out. All the containers of food that Taeyong had brought over specifically for him. That old container of yogurt. When he was finished doing that he pulled out the shelves inside the thing and threw them, the sound of them clattering against the floor almost deafening.

He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to be over. All he wanted to do was move onto the next day with Taeyong by his side and he couldn’t figure out how. Johnny was almost certain that the next time he woke up and saw that the date was still November 13th he was going to go mad.

Johnny didn’t notice the door open until after he had snatched his clock off of the wall across from his bed and smashed it against the floor, glass shattering everywhere. He was panting hard and his face had gone red, tears of frustration welling up in his eyes.

“Johnny?” Johnny looked over to see Taeyong standing at the open door, concern written all over his face. “W–What are you doing?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Johnny said bitterly. He moved away from the wall and went to pick up the guitar that he had used before Taeyong had gotten him his new one, huffing quietly. “It’ll all be the same come tomorrow so who fucking cares?”

“Johnny, what are you—?” Taeyong’s voice was interrupted by the sight of Johnny gearing the guitar back behind his head before sending it crashing into the floor, the wood immediately splintering on contact. It only worsened with each swing and Johnny only continued to have at it, smashing at it until it had diminished to basically nothing.

When he was finished he threw the neck of the guitar that still had managed to hold up and it collided into a painting Johnny had hung up on the wall near the door. Taeyong was only barely able to avoid it, jumping away just as the glass shattered and came raining onto the floor.

After that Johnny stood there, still panting and struggling to catch his breath. His apartment was in shambles. There was broken furniture and glass everywhere. The food Johnny had thrown all cold and stiff on the floor. Yet, none of it mattered. Like Johnny had said—it didn’t matter. Nothing would change no matter what he tried doing. He would wake up tomorrow and it would be like none of this had ever happened.

“Are you done?” Taeyong asked, breaking the silence. Johnny looked over at him. Was he done? Doing all of that hadn’t made him feel any better. It didn’t change anything. Still, he nodded and Taeyong sighed, walking over to where he was standing slowly. He picked up Johnny’s hand and clicked his tongue in quiet disapproval. “You cut yourself,” Taeyong pointed out. “I’ll go get some alcohol, alright? Go and sit down.”

Johnny nodded again and did as he was told. Now that it was all over he felt pretty silly. He was twenty–six and about to be twenty–seven and was throwing tantrums. Still, it wasn’t like it mattered. He listened to Taeyong shuffling around in the bathroom, eyeing his bag and shoes by the door.

Wait a minute. Taeyong never came up without being prompted to do so. He never came up at all actually, not any time before the last. He had never gotten the chance to call before Johnny had smashed his phone but somehow found his way up which didn’t make any sense. This had never happened before. But Taeyong had on the same round–framed glasses, the same loose sweater and ripped jeans as before. It was still November the 13th and yet something was different.

When Taeyong came out of the bathroom and walked over to Johnny on the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of him and reaching forward to grab Johnny’s injured hand, Johnny stared at him deeply. He didn’t look any different than he had yesterday and yet Johnny could tell that something had changed. Taeyong pressed the alcohol–soaked washcloth against Johnny’s wound which caused him to wince sharply, pulling his hand away out of instinct. Taeyong was quicker and grabbed him before he could pull away completely, humming at him in a soft, chastising manner. 

“Don’t be a baby,” Taeyong muttered quietly. “If you didn’t want to deal with this you shouldn’t have been throwing things.

Johnny grimaced but didn’t say anything in response. Taeyong finished mopping up all the blood that had leaked out of the cut on Johnny’s hand and Johnny couldn’t help but think about how much Taeyong had bled the night before. His stomach turned at the thought of it. 

“Why are you here?” Johnny asked as Taeyong unwrapped a bandage that Johnny didn’t even know he had. Taeyong looked up at him and raised a brow. 

“Do you not want me here?” Taeyong questioned in response. Johnny only blinked at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Taeyong there with him but he also couldn’t explain that he hadn’t been expecting his unprompted presence because he had been living the same day over and over and he had never come over like that any other time. In the end Taeyong sighed and shook his head. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go.”

“No, I—I just wasn’t expecting you to come over,” Johnny explained quietly, wincing as Taeyong pressed the bandage against his wound, sealing it. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Taeyong seemed surprised by his response but didn’t say anything in response which Johnny was glad for. It still didn’t make any sense though. First Taeyong came in with something changed about him and now he had come over without Johnny asking him to. What happened to him being on his way to the studio? What had suddenly made him decide to come up?

“I said I’d come by and wake you up, remember?” Taeyong asked and Johnny only stared at him again because he genuinely didn’t. Taeyong had said that he would call him and check to see if he was awake, not come up to his apartment and do it manually. At least that was what Johnny had been under the impression of since the first November 13th. “No?” Taeyong continued when Johnny didn’t respond. 

“I don’t know,” Johnny answered honestly. 

Taeyong sighed quietly, sitting back onto his haunches. “That’s okay,” he mumbled, casting his eyes up at Johnny for a moment longer before turning to look around the destroyed room. “Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

Again, Johnny didn’t speak. There wasn’t anything that he could say that would make sense. He didn’t see any point in trying to come up with a lie and a plausible one at that. With his silence, Taeyong’s eyes shifted from behind him back to Johnny, blinking at him in question. 

“Do you need to be alone?” Taeyong asked finally.

_ “No,”  _ Johnny said sharply because the last thing he wanted Taeyong to do was to leave. “I want you here, Yong.”

As expected, it was clear that Taeyong was more than a little shocked by Johnny’s reaction. However, he recovered quickly and nodded. It was then that Johnny noticed how long Taeyong’s hair had gotten. It wasn’t a bad thing as it made him look even prettier than he already was but Johnny wondered why he hadn’t gotten it trimmed recently. Maybe it was a new style that he was trying out.

“So what happened?” Taeyong asked again.

“I’ve been reliving the same day over and over for an entire week now,” Johnny deadpanned, deciding to just be honest and say fuck it. Taeyong blinked at him for what felt like forever before scoffing.

“If you don’t want to tell me the real reason then just say so,” Taeyong responded, clearly unimpressed by what Johnny had said to him.

That very obviously wasn’t the route that Johnny wanted to go, at least not now. Taeyong was already expecting the worst from him which meant that he couldn’t up and go say ridiculous things like that. It was frustrating. He wished he were in a situation where Taeyong simply could believe shit like that but knew if it were the other way around he would have thought Taeyong was either fucking with him or insane too.

“I’m just really tired,” Johnny said and that wasn’t at all a lie. In a way, it felt like more of the truth than the last thing he had said. 

“I am too,” Taeyong said back and Johnny didn’t know what he meant but still felt that same sharp sense of guilt shoot up his spine. 

“I’m sorry,” Johnny blurted. Taeyong paused before raising an eyebrow at him.

“For what?” he questioned.

“Everything,” Johnny answered easily. “For forgetting your birthday that one year, for never letting you write what you wanted to write, for always yelling at you, for blaming everything on you.” He stopped, thinking back to what had happened on the first night of this fucking nightmare. “I’m sorry for breaking up with you and giving you back my guitar.”

Taeyong laughed a little at that. “What are you talking about, Johnny?”

“I’m sorry for the fucking bar too,” Johnny continued, shaking his head. “And for not getting out of your apartment. And for not fucking waiting until you texted me and told me you got home safe before going to bed—Jesus  _ Christ,  _ what kind of a boyfriend does that?”

“Johnny, slow down,” Taeyong spoke up before Johnny could keep going. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”

“Yes,” Johnny immediately breathed out because it was the truth. He had been living a nightmare since the moment that that car had first slammed into him.

Taeyong hummed and reached up to run a hand through Johnny’s hair, offering him a soft smile. Though Johnny knew that he almost definitely didn’t understand, in that moment it felt like Taeyong simply got everything that he was dealing with and was sympathizing with him. It was probably true that he was doing the latter but in that single touch, Johnny felt like Taeyong knew everything and was comforting him through it. He didn’t know how to explain it. That was just how it felt. 

“Must’ve been a pretty scary nightmare,” Taeyong muttered and Johnny let out a hard breath through his nose that could have easily been mistaken as a laugh in response. 

“You have no fucking idea,” Johnny said and Taeyong chuckled. 

“Thank you for the apology though,” Taeyong continued. “I really do appreciate it.”

Johnny nodded. He knew that Taeyong wouldn’t remember it come tomorrow but to hear him acknowledge it felt good. He was prepared to apologize everyday if it made Taeyong feel better about how shittily Johnny had been treating him. 

“Are you still up for the performance tonight?” Taeyong asked. “It’s okay if you aren’t.”

If Taeyong had asked him that question yesterday—which he had—Johnny would have immediately turned him down. However Johnny realized how futile that was. Taking Taeyong away from the danger hadn’t worked and neither had keeping him out of the street. After Taeyong had revealed how much the performance meant to him the night before it felt almost unfair for Johnny to selfishly keep him all cooped up again.

He thought back to what Taeyong had showed him the previous day. “Can we do that song that you’ve been working on?” Johnny asked. 

Taeyong’s face fell. It wasn’t particularly in a bad way but Johnny could tell that he hadn’t been expecting him to say that. He realized that he probably could have brought it up in a different way but ultimately figured that if it turned into a thing it wouldn’t be too hard for him to explain it away. 

“How’d you know about that?” Taeyong said back, tilting his head a bit to the side. 

“I saw you working on it the last time we all practiced together,” Johnny lied easily. Taeyong eyed him for a moment but nodded nonetheless. The nervousness was clear on his face.

“I don’t know if it’s good enough to be done live yet,” Taeyong muttered.

“I’m sure it is,” Johnny reassured him with a soft smile. “You mind if I see it?”

Taeyong shook his head and pushed himself up from the floor. He walked over to where his backpack was and bent over to unzip, flipping through the mess that filled it almost exactly like he had done yesterday. When he finally found it he made a soft noise to himself before standing up again and making his way back over to Johnny. 

Johnny knew that it wasn’t going to be any different than it had been yesterday but he still made it a point to look through every piece of paper that Taeyong had given him. Next to him Taeyong was nibbling on the inside of his cheek like he often did when nervous. He always did this when someone else went over his work for the first time. Johnny never really knew why. He had yet to see something of Taeyong’s that was anything less than genius. 

“It’s perfect,” Johnny said and Taeyong’s eyes widened, clearly not having expected Johnny to say something like that so quickly. 

“I mean, I don’t know if it’s perfect,” Taeyong laughed nervously. “I still need to fix a couple of things.”

“I think we should perform it,” Johnny continued without hesitation. “All of us.”

“Isn’t it a little slow for the scene we’re doing?” Taeyong questioned with a small frown. 

“They’ll appreciate it,” Johnny said with absolute certainty in his voice.

“I don’t know, Johnny,” Taeyong responded, running a hand through his hair. 

Usually, Johnny wouldn’t push. Not because he didn’t care enough but because he didn’t like making Taeyong uncomfortable. However, with how Taeyong had reacted the day before, Johnny knew that he genuinely wanted to perform the song. It was important to him. The only difference between today and yesterday was that before Taeyong had shown him the song, his trust in Johnny had built up a bit more to a level that was significantly higher than it normally was. Right now, Taeyong was still uncertain. Johnny didn’t really blame him. 

“If you really don’t want to perform it then we don’t have to, Taeyong,” Johnny reassured him. “I’m not gonna pressure you into doing something that you don’t feel comfortable doing. But I know that you do.”

Taeyong stared up at him for a long moment. Johnny could tell that he was thinking deeply about it. He waited patiently, giving Taeyong the time to mull over it. 

Suddenly Taeyong was climbing off the bed. He walked over to the pile of clothes that Johnny usually shuffled through to find his familiar stained hoodie at the start of each day and bent down. Johnny watched as Taeyong picked up an old green T–shirt that he hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. Once he had it, he made his way back to Johnny on the mattress and handed it to him. 

“You couldn’t have found something else?” Johnny asked, taking it regardless. He wasn’t trying to be difficult but wearing something so loose and casual was almost foreign to him.

“Nope,” Taeyong said without hesitating. “I’m sick of you always covering yourself up.” He looked down and noticed an old jean jacket by his foot, bending down to pick that up and hand it to Johnny. “This too,” Taeyong continued. Johnny took it with an eyebrow raised in question. “It makes your shoulders look broader.”

“Huh,” Johnny said quietly, slipping both the T–shirt and jacket nonetheless. When he was dressed he stood up in front of Taeyong, doing a small turn to show off the outfit Taeyong had picked out for him. “Good?”

“Good,” Taeyong confirmed with a little smile and again, the sight of it was something that Johnny was familiar with as dressing him was something that Taeyong had always enjoyed doing. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Go where?” Johnny asked although he both knew and had already started to follow behind Taeyong regardless. 

“Going to meet up with Markie and Jaehyun before I change my mind,” Taeyong said easily as he bent down to slip on his shoes. Johnny did the same, unable to stop himself from smiling at Taeyong’s newfound confidence. 

* * *

“No offense, Taeyong,” Mark started as he tuned his guitar. “But don’t you think it might be a little late to go and add a new song to our setlist?”

“It doesn’t look like that hard a song,” Jaehyun pointed out from the couch. Mark looked over at him and scowled.

“What the fuck are you doing, man?” Mark snapped. “Get up.”

“Song doesn’t have bass,” Jaehyun responded easily, kicking his legs up and putting his hands behind his head.

“That’s probably the only reason why you like it, you lazy bastard,” Mark muttered before he realized how that sounded. He looked over at Taeyong and gave him an apologetic little smile. “Sorry.”

Taeyong was on the couch opposite of Jaehyun bent over at the waist as he scribbled something down on the piece of paper he had pressed out onto the table in front of him. He looked up at Mark and smiled back in a way that made it clear that he hadn’t really been listening.

“Isn’t it a little slow though?” Jaehyun spoke up, rolling over onto his stomach. He craned his neck to look at the paper Taeyong had, straining to read the lyrics for the umpteenth time since Taeyong and Johnny had gotten there.

“Our whole setlist are fast–paced songs,” Johnny muttered from his place on the couch next to Taeyong. “I think they can handle a slow one.”

“If you guys aren’t comfortable with doing it then we can just stick to the original setlist,” Taeyong proposed quietly.

“No, we’re comfortable,” Mark said before Johnny could speak up. “We just want to make sure that you’re alright with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Taeyong asked, frowning a bit.

Mark looked over at Jaehyun who looked over at Johnny who looked over at Taeyong. Taeyong looked between the three of them, still obviously confused.

“Well, I don’t know how to play the drums,” Jaehyun said slowly. “I know Mark doesn’t know how.” Mark responded by flicking him his middle finger. 

“That means you’d have to do it,” Johnny concluded.

Taeyong had learned how to play the drums in his last year of high school. Johnny had been the one who sat through all of his frenzied sessions of banging and clanging when he first started. Fortunately, he got much better at it over time. He had never played in front of an audience other than Mark, Johnny and Jaehyun but was still undoubtedly good at it.

“Unless you don’t want the drums in it anymore,” Mark offered.

“It’ll sound empty without them,” Jaehyun muttered, shaking his head.

“Johnny, I thought you knew how to play,” Taeyong said up at Johnny.

“Um,” Johnny started awkwardly. “Not really.”

“What?” Taeyong frowned. “I’ve heard you play before.”

Funny story—back at the beginning of their relationship when Taeyong had first learned how to play Johnny had made the mistake of lying and saying that he was actually pretty good at it himself. When Taeyong asked to hear him play Johnny came up with excuse after excuse until finally while Taeyong was out of town to visit family in Busan he sat down and learned the entire outro to “Walk This Way” by Aerosmith and Run DMC by stopping by the local instrument shop on his way back home from work everyday. When Taeyong asked the next time Johnny was able to do a pretty damn good job at it which effectively accomplished the goal of impressing him but was now coming back to bite him in the ass.

“I know one song,” Johnny admitted sheepishly.

“What?” Taeyong said again.

Johnny looked up to see Jaehyun and Mark zeroed in on him. He refused to say it out loud in front of them. He didn’t care if they were going to forget about it come the next day. The humiliation would be unbearable in that moment.

“I’ll explain later,” Johnny mumbled down at Taeyong who still didn’t look impressed.

“You’re the only one that knows how to play between the four of us,” Mark continued. “I’m not trying to pressure you but it’s either you get up on stage and perform with us or we don’t do it at all.”

“Can’t I just record it and you guys can play over it?” Taeyong offered which sounded like a good idea until you realized that they didn’t have any solid recording equipment other than their phones which almost definitely wouldn’t sound good when played through the old speakers of a bar that very rarely had any actual performers.

“Taeyong,” Johnny called, causing Taeyong to look back up at him. “You owe it to yourself to go up there and perform with us.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun chimed in. “You’re, like, the most important part of the band and you’ve never even been on stage with us. It’s like we’re Nilli Vanilli and we’re stealing your music.”

“First of all, it’s  _ Milli  _ Vanilli,” Mark corrected. “And secondly, they didn’t steal music. They just lipsynched.”

“Lipsynching is stealing music if it’s not your voice,” Jaehyun defended.

“We’re not lipsynching though, dipshit,” Mark spat back. Jaehyun opened his mouth to respond but must realize that Mark had a solid point in what he had said.

“I don’t know, Johnny,” Taeyong spoke up, shaking his head. “What if I fuck up?”

“You won’t,” Johnny reassured him with hesitating. “And if you do we’ll play through it. It won’t be the end of the world.”

Even after he had said that Johnny could tell that Taeyong still wasn’t certain about it. He understood why. Taeyong had never performed in front of an audience and had never expected to. He liked working behind the scenes. The spotlight wasn’t for him.

Johnny reached over and took one of Taeyong’s smaller hands in his, giving it a firm but gentle squeeze. “I’ll be there with you the entire time, Yong,” he reminded him softly. “It’ll be fine, okay? I promise.”

Taeyong blinked at him for a long moment. He looked taken aback by Johnny’s sudden kindness but wasn’t at all deterred by it. If anything, Taeyong seemed somewhat comforted. The uncertainty and nervousness was still apparent on his face but more than that was a trust in Johnny that Johnny hadn’t seen in a long, long time. It wasn’t as strong as it used to be but it was still very much there.

“Okay,” Taeyong finally said, nodding. “I’ll try.”

“If we’ve come to a decision can we practice so I don’t have to see this John Green shit anymore?” Jaehyun spoke up from the couch across from them. Johnny responded by picking up a pillow and chucking it straight at his face.

“Also who’s we?” Mark scoffed, slipping his guitar strap over his neck. “All you’re doing is sitting there and looking ugly.”

“Okay, that’s bullshit,” Jaehyun immediately said, snatching the pillow that Johnny had thrown at him off of his face. “I’m obviously the visual of this group.”

“Taeyong–hyung is,” Mark deadpanned and Jaehyun squawked in response.

“Not counting Taeyong,” Jaehyun whined.

“Then Johnny–hyung. Then me,” Mark concluded easily. “You’re dead fucking last, Jung Jaehyun.”

“Fuck you,” Jaehyun snapped, sitting up. “At least I don’t look like I’m thirteen.”

“Oh, and looking like you’re forty–two is somehow better?” Mark hissed in response.

“I look my age!” Jaehyun defended loudly.

“Your age times two,” Mark quipped. Johnny could see the way that Jaehyun’s face had fell at the comment and decided it was time to step in.

“Let’s just practice, yeah?” Johnny interrupted before Jaehyun could say anything in response. 

“Yeah,” Taeyong agreed, standing. Johnny looked down at him and offered him a soft smile and Taeyong returned it without hesitating.

“Hey,” Jaehyun cut in. “You two are acting really close. What’s up with that?”

“Christ, I wish you’d shut up,” Mark muttered which only prompted Jaehyun to start up another argument with him that lasted up until Taeyong shouted at the both of them and told them to be quiet already.

* * *

“Fuck, I can’t do this,” Taeyong breathed out after he had poked out his head through the curtain to see the crowd of people milling about, ready to only halfway pay attention to the show they had been promised by the bartender who had come up about a half hour before and announced that they would be be receiving free entertainment.

They had come up with a new setlist. Jaehyun mentioned something about another song Taeyong had been working on that was a little bit quicker and would resonate more with the crowd. Taeyong seemed hesitant about it at first but finally gave in, quietly agreeing to man the drums on the song that they would open with. The other song he had composed would come next and after that, Taeyong would leave to let them finish it off. 

Before they had even made it backstage Johnny had stopped past the table of rowdy men who had just started drinking had Johnny dropped by and slipped each of them a bill in return for their silence. If there was something that was going to freak Taeyong out, it would definitely be the sound of five men shouting up at him. They looked confused as to how Johnny had known what was on their minds but ultimately agreed, making sure to comment on the fact that Johnny had addressed them all informally when approaching. Johnny didn’t say anything in response to that but had scoffed on his way to meet back up with Mark, Jaehyun and Taeyong to himself. It was insane how people talked to people that were clearly older than them nowadays.

Jaehyun and Mark were not too far off arguing about something that Johnny didn’t know or care about. They fussed and fought so much that if Johnny didn’t know any better he would think they were related. He sighed and turned his back to them, focusing all of his attention in on Taeyong.

“Why are you scared, Yong?” Johnny asked. Taeyong shook his head.

“What if they don’t like it?” Taeyong said to him. 

“Then they don’t like it,” Johnny responded easily. “That doesn’t make what you’ve written any less brilliant.”

Taeyong narrowed his eyes at him. He had taken off his glasses and hung them on the neck of his sweater. If he couldn’t see the audience well, he wouldn’t freak out as much. He said that not too long ago but it seemed like it wasn’t staying true.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Taeyong finally questioned. “I mean, seriously. Is this some kind of a trick?”

“That’s fair,” Johnny said to himself. “Listen, I know I’ve been shitty lately but I want to make it up to you.”

“If you want to make it up to me then don’t make me perform,” Taeyong countered quickly.

“I’m not gonna do that because I know you’ll regret it, Yong,” Johnny sighed, shaking his head. “I know it’s scary but you’ve got to do this.”

“Why?” Taeyong asked.

“Because the world needs to see how fucking amazing Lee Taeyong is,” Johnny answered easily.

Taeyong blushed at that. He had never been good at receiving compliments. He often told Johnny to stop when Johnny would shower him in them. Johnny never knew why. Someone like Taeyong should’ve been hearing how wonderful they are every second of every fucking day.

“The world isn’t a bar in downtown Seoul,” Taeyong pointed out quietly.

“Well, it’s a start, isn’t it?” Johnny responded and Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh.

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something else but was interrupted by the owner of the bar sticking his head out through the curtain that led onto the stage. He cleared his throat and Jaehyun and Mark promptly stopped arguing, looking over at him.

“You’re on, boys,” he said and Johnny nodded. He eyed all four of them before disappearing back through the curtain.

“I’m scared, Johnny,” Taeyong mumbled and Johnny didn’t hesitate before reaching down and taking hold of Taeyong’s hand, interlocking their fingers.

“I’ll be right here,” Johnny reassured him, squeezing his hand again. “I promise.”

“Oh, barf,” Jaehyun said on his way past and Mark cackled before they both passed through the curtain.

“You wanna know something crazy?” Taeyong said and Johnny hummed. “I thought you were gonna break up with me today. I actually kind of prepared myself for it.”

Johnny looked down at Taeyong and smiled. Honestly, he couldn’t think of a time that Taeyong had looked prettier than he did in that moment. His hair was all frizzy and his sweater had a stain on the sleeve from the chicken Jaehyun had ordered for them all before they had come out to the bar. Still, he looked perfect. Johnny had lost sight of that over the past couple of months but could easily recognize it now. 

“Isn’t that funny?” Johnny said in response and Taeyong breathed out a small laugh.

“Yeah,” Taeyong agreed. “It is.”

And with that, they walked out onto stage. Jaehyun and Mark had already set up in their usual spots. Taeyong inhaled deeply through his nose before letting go of Johnny’s hand and walking over to where the drums had been set up. Mark gave him a small grin on his way by.

Johnny slipped on his guitar and moved to take hold of the microphone, flinching a bit at the feedback that the simple motion created. Once it died down he cleared his throat, laughing quietly into the mic.

“Hi, we’re Poet,” Johnny introduced. “I’m Johnny.” He pointed back at Mark to his right. “That’s Mark.” Over to Jaehyun on his left. “Jaehyun.” And finally at Taeyong who was behind him, holding both of his drumsticks in his hands. “And that’s my beautiful, talented, amazing, wonderful boyfriend, Taeyong.” Taeyong smiled at him and Johnny smiled back before switching his focus back onto the audience. “Now if you’ll give us your attention for the next half an hour, I promise we’ll give you a show you probably won’t remember come tomorrow but will definitely enjoy today.”

* * *

“Okay,” Mark started as soon as they were off stage. “I don’t want to seem like I’m exaggerating but that might have easily been the best performance we’ve ever had.”

Johnny could agree with that. They started off with Taeyong’s two new songs which had not only gone perfectly but also successfully grabbed the audience’s attention and maintained it throughout the rest of the show. The people danced along and cheered after every song and laughed at all of Jaehyun’s terrible jokes. It was surreal because they hadn’t had a performance like that in years and to have it back was fucking amazing.

At the end Johnny was able to convince Taeyong to come back out and stand next to him while he listed off all of the things that Taeyong had done for the group and also mentioned how this was his first time performing in front of anyone other than them. The audience clapped and Johnny swore that he had never seen Taeyong look more overwhelmed in his life. He smiled brightly and let Johnny take his hand at the end of it, bowing along with Jaehyun and Mark who were clearly buzzing with as much excitement as he and Johnny were.

“They fucking loved us, man,” Jaehyun breathed out, slipping off his guitar.

“You think they’ll ask us back?” Taeyong asked, looking up at Johnny.

“They’d be crazy not to,” Johnny said and Mark promptly clicked his tongue, pointing over at him in agreement.

There was so much happiness and Johnny felt it too but he couldn’t help but think about how this wasn’t going to last. He was going to wake up tomorrow and it would be like none of this had ever happened. Taeyong wouldn’t remember what it would feel like to be on stage and have people cheer for him. Jaehyun and Mark wouldn’t remember the nostalgia that came with having a successful performance that reminded them of the ones they’d had at the start of their career. Sure, Johnny could go about doing everything the same way but it would lose its authenticity. It would never be as real as it was then in that moment.

“You guys wanna go get some beer and barbeque?” Mark asked.

“Wa,” Jaehyun groaned. “I want pork belly more than anything.”

Johnny looked at the time on the clock above him to his left. It had just struck ten. He glanced down at Taeyong and let out a small breath through his mouth. He wanted to try and keep him as safe as possible again but also didn’t want to turn Mark down when he knew that Taeyong most likely wouldn’t go if he didn’t and could tell how much Taeyong wanted to go. This was supposed to be Taeyong’s night, not his.

“Yeah, sure,” Johnny agreed and Jaehyun whooped loudly in response.

“I wanna try that place by that one big idol company,” Mark said.

“You only wanna go there because you’re hoping you’ll bump into a female idol,” Jaehyun pointed out.

“Isn’t there somewhere else we could go?” Taeyong asked before Mark had a chance to respond to what Jaehyun had said.

Johnny knew why he was asking. The place Mark wanted to go to was the same place he had almost been signed to. Johnny had actually been with Taeyong picking up take–out from that exact place when that woman had scouted him and offered him an audition at the company. He didn’t want Johnny to be reminded of what could have been by being there.

“It’s fine,” Johnny told him. He looked back up at Jaehyun and Mark. “Let’s go there.”

“Sweet,” Mark said happily underneath his breath. “Taeyong, you driving?”

_ “No,”  _ Johnny said probably a little too sharply for his own good. Jaehyun, Taeyong and Mark all three looked at him, surprised at how quickly he had said that. “I mean, he already drove us here. Jaehyun, why don’t you drive?”

“I hate driving in Seoul traffic,” Jaehyun whined.

“Oh, Christ, you big baby,” Mark groaned, walking over to Taeyong for the keys. “Give them here.” Taeyong reached in his pocket and handed them to Mark who promptly turned around and started for the door that led out into the alleyway Taeyong’s car was parked in.

“I’m not a baby,” Jaehyun grumbled but followed after Mark regardless.

Johnny went to walk after them but was stopped by a gentle tug on his arm. He looked back to see Taeyong still standing there.

“Let them wait a second,” Taeyong told him and Johnny nodded, coming back to where they were both stood in front of each other.

“What’s up?” Johnny asked, interlocking their fingers together.

“I just wanted to tell you thank you,” Taeyong said quietly. “Going on stage like that was so, so fucking scary but it was also so—so—.”

“Exhilarating?” Johnny finished for him and Taeyong couldn’t help but breathe out a laugh, nodding.

“Exactly,” Taeyong confirmed. He paused for a moment, seeming to think about something. “I’m pretty sure this has been the happiest day of my life, John.”

“Really?” Johnny asked and Taeyong nodded again. It filled him with so much joy to hear that. Taeyong’s happiness has been the only thing Johnny wanted from that day. 

“It’s been awhile since we’ve been like this,” Taeyong said, pulling his hand from Johnny’s to gesture between the two of them. “I know I can be overbearing and annoying and boring a lot of the time but I’m really glad that you’ve stuck with me.”

“You’re not,” Johnny said quickly which was a complete 180 from how he had thought a couple of days ago but he meant it with every inch of his heart. “Taeyong, I don’t mean to sound like a corny asshole but you’re fucking perfect. Really.”

“You kind of do sound like a corny asshole,” Taeyong pointed out with a quiet giggle.

“I know,” Johnny laughed along with him. “But seriously, Yong. I’m an idiot more often than not and I have shit that I need to work through but I’ve never been happier than I am when I’m with you and I wouldn’t trade being with you for anything in the world.” Johnny stopped for a moment, listening to the bustling of the bar scene not too far from them. “Thank you for putting up with my bullshit for so long.”

“You’re welcome,” Taeyong chirped and Johnny couldn’t help but laugh because his response had been so brash and quick.

“I say all that and that’s all you have to say?” Johnny teased.

“Well, you  _ have  _ been an asshole,” Taeyong countered with a small smile. “I’m also trying my best to keep from crying and if I didn’t say anything I definitely would have burst out into tears.”

Johnny laughed before letting go of Taeyong’s tiny hands and pulling him in closer to his chest. Taeyong made a content little noise into the fabric of his T–shirt, easily cuddling against him. It was interesting how much Johnny’s feelings had changed over the past couple of days. A week ago he had been cringing at the sound of Taeyong’s voice and now he never wanted to let him go. Then again, it wasn’t very hard for a perspective to change when life and death came into play. If there was anything that Johnny got out of this mess, it was that that factor alone made him appreciate what he had previously taken for granted. 

He hadn’t been expecting for Taeyong to suddenly pull away and stand up on his tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his lips. Johnny almost immediately melted into it, moving his hands from around Taeyong’s waist to encircle his neck. It felt so easy and familiar but was something Johnny missed dearly. Taeyong naturally let him take lead, his eyelashes brushing against Johnny’s cheeks as their lips worked together slowly.

“This is why they were taking so fucking long,” suddenly came Mark’s voice from not too far away. Taeyong had been the one to pull away to see Mark at the door joined by Jaehyun not too long after.

“Don’t you guys do this enough?” Jaehyun groaned in a whiny voice. “I’m hungry.”

“You ate less than two hours ago,” Johnny pointed out.

“Are you coming or not?” Jaehyun asked sharply, clearly tired of being attacked by all ends.

“Yeah,” Taeyong sighed and walked towards Jaehyun and Mark, Johnny easily following along after him.

Once outside, Johnny eyed Taeyong’s car. It just didn’t seem safe for them to go riding in that thing so close to that fateful time. He didn’t want to be the reason why Mark and Jaehyun ended up getting hurt, whether they’d wake up completely unharmed the next day or not.

“I think we should walk,” Johnny piped up and everyone turned to look at him.

“Walk?” Jaehyun questioned. “Ew.”

“Yeah, I’m with Jaehyun on this,” Mark seconded, shaking his head.

“No, seriously,” Johnny continued before Mark could start climbing in. “Who here wants to be in charge of being the designated driver tonight?” Nobody—not even Taeyong—raised their hand. “So let’s just leave it and we’ll come back for it in the morning. The restaurant isn’t too far from here anyway.”

They all seemed to think about it for a moment. Johnny knew that what he had said had immediately gotten Mark on his side—ever since he turned twenty–one, he drank like a fucking sailor—but he still needed a response from Jaehyun and Taeyong.

“Well, I’m not  _ not  _ getting drunk,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“Me either,” Mark parroted. He looked over at Taeyong in question.

“I get car sick when I’m behind the wheel at night,” Taeyong explained easily and Johnny’s heart soared because that meant none of them would have to set foot in that death trap.

“Well, let’s go,” Mark sighed, tossing Taeyong’s keys back over to him. “They stop accepting people at eleven during the week.”

Jaehyun nodded and started walking with Mark jogging to catch up at his side. He nudged Jaehyun’s arm and Jaehyun overcompensated by shoving him which in turn caused Mark to squawk out loudly in response before shoving Jaehyun back. They went on like this and Johnny watched them, his fingers still interlocked with Taeyong’s.

“Do you think they’ll ever stop fighting?” Taeyong asked and Johnny immediately snorted in response.

“When pigs fly,” Johnny said and Taeyong laughed.

“I wish I was tall enough to put my head on your shoulder,” Taeyong commented offhandedly, sighing.

“Oh, yeah?” Johnny questioned and Taeyong hesitated a moment before nodding firmly. Without second thought, Johnny bent down a little at a level where he knew Taeyong would be able to reach if he stood high enough on his tiptoes.

“Are you serious?” Taeyong asked, laughing.

“I have never been more serious about something in my life,” Johnny deadpanned.

Taeyong paused a moment, considering it. Then he stood up and placed his chin on Johnny’s shoulder, struggling a bit considering that neither of them had stopped walking. He didn’t make it too long before breaking out into a loud fit of laughter, loud and happy in Johnny’s ear.

“We look fucking ridiculous,” Taeyong only barely got through his sharp inhales.

“Want me to pick up you instead?” Johnny offered.

“John Jun Seo, don’t you fucking dare,” Taeyong said as seriously as he possibly could. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t stop Johnny from bending down and scooping him up underneath his knees. He immediately started trying his best to go down all while laughing loudly, screeching when Johnny tossed him over his shoulder.

Jaehyun and Mark turned around at the commotion to see Johnny’s hand on Taeyong’s ass, holding him in place as he squirmed and kicked in his grasp. Mark rolled his eyes while Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head.

And in that moment, Johnny swore that he had never been happier. He probably had but couldn’t think of another time where so much happiness was flooding into him to the point that it felt overwhelming. For once, he wasn’t worried about what would happen next or tomorrow or the next day. He was just living in the moment.

However, it didn’t last for very long. When he finally put Taeyong back down on the ground, the familiar sound of wheels screeching against the wet asphalt assaulted his ears. Mark looked up first and immediately gestured for both Taeyong and Johnny to get out the street. Taeyong had his back turned to Mark and couldn’t see, nor did the harsh sound seem to register to him. Jaehyun shouted which caused Taeyong’s head to turn in his direction, frowning in confusion as to why the other’s voice sounded so frantic. 

Taeyong wasn’t reacting quickly enough. The car was speeding right for him and he hadn’t even started the process of moving out of the way. It was too late for him to save himself.

So Johnny did the first thing that came to mind. He shoved Taeyong out of the way right before the car could go smashing into him and braced himself for the upcoming collision.

It hurt. Johnny could still feel the car hitting him the first time as well as the feeling of his lungs tightening up and no longer allowing any air to come in but this felt so, so much worse than that. He didn’t even register the car smashing into him. He just opened his eyes and he was on the ground and every single inch of his body was shrieking out in pain. He could feel something dripping out of his nose and slowly lifted up a hand, lifting up his trembling fingers to see that it was blood.

“Holy fucking shit,” Johnny muttered to himself, his vision fading in and out. “This hurts.”

“Johnny?” Johnny heard Taeyong’s voice followed by the sound of running footsteps. He flinched at the suddenness of Taeyong dropping down next to him, wincing in pain when he picked his upper half up. He had definitely broken his ribs and if that shallow feeling in his chest was any indication, the fractured bone had punctured something. “Johnny,” Taeyong breathed, pushing some of Johnny’s hair out of his face. “Oh, fuck.”

“Is he okay?” Mark asked frantically, running up beside Taeyong. Taeyong didn’t even have to answer. The sight of Johnny was enough. His arm looked broken and blood covered his mouth, some slipping out and down the side of his face. “Shit—Jaehyun, call 112!”

“Why is he breathing like that?” Taeyong said and Mark only stared at him, unsure of how to answer.  _ “Why the fuck is he breathing like that, Mark?” _

“I don’t know!” Mark shouted back, the frustration apparent in his voice. Johnny could hear Taeyong sobbing and could feel him shaking him but couldn’t find the energy to answer. “I—I’m gonna go try to find someone.”

Mark got up and left. Johnny could distantly hear him and Jaehyun arguing which caused him to smile because even with him dying in the street they managed to find time to fuss and fight with one another.

“Johnny,” Taeyong tried in a light voice, wet from how hard he was crying. Johnny looked up at him and Taeyong laughed, reaching down to brush some of his hair out of his face again. “Hi, baby. Hi.”

“I c–can’t breathe,” Johnny was only barely able to get out.

“I know,” Taeyong said with a quiet sniffle. “Mark and Jaehyun are going to get us help, okay? I just need you to stay with me a little bit longer.”

And Johnny wanted to. He really wanted to but the pain was starting to become too much for him to bear and he didn’t know how much longer he could take it anymore. It was agony. Pure fucking agony and each breath proved to be worst than the last as the fractured bone stabbed in deeper to his lung. He just wanted it to end.

“I’ll b–be back tomorrow,” Johnny promised and Taeyong immediately shook his head, saying, “no, no, no, no”. 

“No, you won’t,” Taeyong said. “Johnny, no you fucking won’t.”

“I will,” Johnny reassured him because he knew that Taeyong didn’t understand.

But wait. If the car had struck him instead of Taeyong, that meant that Taeyong had been saved, hadn’t it? Johnny always died after Taeyong and here Taeyong was relatively uninjured other than a small scrape on his face from when Johnny had pushed him. Wasn’t that good? Didn’t that mean that Taeyong would survive? Johnny smiled at the thought of it.

He didn’t know what would happen to him but the one thing that was important was that he had successfully accomplished the one thing that he wanted to. Taeyong was safe. Taeyong wasn’t going to die. That was all Johnny had wanted from the moment he had gotten to the bottom of what was happening.

“God, I’m the b–best,” Johnny paused to wheeze. “I’m the best b–oyfriend ev—ever.”

His voice was probably too low for Taeyong to hear. It didn’t matter. Taeyong had turned and shrieked at Jaehyun, demanding time to know what the operator had said. Johnny couldn’t hear Jaehyun’s response over the sound of a sharp ringing noise that had suddenly started to overwhelm him.

“Johnny?” Taeyong asked and Johnny hummed, straining to hear his voice. “They’re coming, okay? The people are gonna come and they’re gonna help you.”

“Hurts,” Johnny could only say and Taeyong let out another wet sob at that. He shoved his face into his hands and screamed in frustration into them. 

“Ah, what do I do?” Taeyong muttered to himself, panicked. “What do I do, I don’t—I don’t know what to do.”

Maybe they weren’t meant to be together. Maybe this is what the universe had wanted from him all along. He wasn’t really all that upset about it. It was cruel and unfair but that was the way that life worked. Taeyong would be happier without him. Someone would finally recognize the genius that he was and his life would only go uphill from there. It was okay.

_ It was okay. _

“It’s okay,” Johnny breathed out and Taeyong looked down at him, shuddering with how hard he was crying. “It—It’s okay.”

“Johnny,  _ no,”  _ Taeyong whined, shaking his head. “They’re coming, okay? The—The p–people, they’re—they’re coming.”

“It’s okay,” Johnny only repeated because he didn’t have it in him to say anything more. “Okay, ‘s—‘s o–okay.”

Taeyong paused for a moment. Johnny could tell that he was battling something in his mind. He could hear the ambulance approaching and Mark shouting something but that ringing had returned and his vision was getting more and more bleary with each passing second.

“D–Do you wanna go?” Taeyong asked, sniffling.

Johnny didn’t want to go. But he didn’t want to be in pain anymore and he didn’t want for Taeyong to see him like this anymore. He just wanted to move on, to see what was next after this. Maybe he would wake up back in his bed again or maybe he wouldn’t wake up at all. Either way, Johnny knew that he couldn’t be there any longer. Not with Taeyong, not in that street.

He nodded which only caused Taeyong to cry even harder. He could tell that Taeyong knew. No matter how close the ambulance was that they weren’t close enough to prevent the inevitable. He just didn’t want to let go yet.

Finally he looked back down at Johnny and nodded, hand coming up to cradle his face. “It’s okay, Johnny,” Taeyong reassured him. “You can go. It’s alright.”

Johnny hummed in response, falling into the touch of Taeyong’s hand on his skin that was starting to no longer feel like his own anymore. “You’ll c–call me and wa–ke me up to—tomorrow, right?”

“Of course I will,” Taeyong laughed wetly, nodding again. “I’ll call you everyday.”

Johnny could feel himself slipping away. He didn’t know to where and that was fucking terrifying but the feeling was almost welcoming at the same time. It was warm. Safe.

“I’ll see you,” Johnny promised quietly.

“I’ll see you too,” Taeyong said back.

The last thing Johnny saw was the flickering streetlight above Taeyong’s head before his vision went black.

* * *

**Day 8**

Johnny woke up in his bed. It was warmer than he had been expecting. He sat up and squinted over at the thermometer, groaning once he saw that the air had cut off sometime during the night. He hated that goddamn thing.

He stood up and stretched his arms high above his head, wincing at the popping of his back. It was like his whole body ached and he couldn’t put his finger on exactly why. Was it because he had helped stock yesterday at work? Then again, he stocked so often without any issue. Maybe his body was finally tapping out.

He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, groaning quietly at the way his waist practically screamed when he bent down to spit in the basin. What the fuck was going on? Was his body really going to shit at twenty–six? He knew that he hadn’t been to the gym in awhile but holy shit. Johnny washed his face and left the washcloth in the sink, not wanting to risk feeling that pain shoot up his spine again.

When he opened his fridge it was empty which shouldn’t have been weird but was. He couldn’t help but feel like there should have been more there. He reached in and pulled out the yogurt in the back, blinking at the bare shelves before finally closing it. Johnny cracked open the container, tossing the top in the trash as he made a mental note to pick up some stuff at his job after his shift.

Something felt off. He couldn’t figure out what. He finished off the container and sat it down on the counter in front of him. Almost out of nowhere, his phone started to ring. He walked over to where it was sitting on his bed and picked it up, answering it without hesitating.

_ “Hey,” _ Mark said on the other end.  _ “You coming over after work?” _

Johnny frowned at the sound of his voice. He didn’t know who he had been expecting to hear but it definitely hadn’t been Mark. He balanced the phone against his shoulder and his face, walking over to the thick pile of clothes just diagonal to his unmade bed.

“Yeah,” Johnny finally answered, pulling out a green T–shirt. He blinked down at it for a long moment before tossing it, deciding on an old hoodie instead. “I don’t get off until four though.”

_ “Shit,”  _ Mark cursed.  _ “You can’t get off any sooner?”  _

“Not unless there’s a fucking fire or something,” Johnny muttered, pulling the phone away from his face to press the button that would put it on speaker and setting it down on the counter so he could get dressed. “I mean, we’ll still have enough time to practice for the performance tonight.”

There was a pause. Then,  _ “What performance?” _

Johnny stopped with his shirt halfway over his head. They had a performance tonight. He hadn’t made that up. He had woken up that morning with the idea that he would go to work, get off and meet up with Mark and Jaehyun to practice and then head off to that performance they had scheduled. However, now that he thought about it, Johnny couldn’t think about who had gotten the gig down for them or where it was going to be held.

“That performance we had,” Johnny said even though it didn’t make any sense and he couldn’t offer more than that.

_ “Unless you have a secret gig scheduled that you didn’t tell me and Jaehyun about, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, man,”  _ Mark responded with a huff. He pulled the phone away and said something Johnny couldn’t decipher to someone before returning back.  _ “Listen, just shoot me a text when you’re off.” _

“Yeah, alright,” Johnny muttered before hanging up the phone.

This is weird. He didn’t know what exactly was weird but something was most definitely off. It was confusing. He looked at the time that stared back at him on his phone as well as the date. November the 13th. 

Johnny huffed quietly before picking up his phone and pushing it into his pocket, grabbing his apron for work up from off the floor before making his way to the front door. He had just unlocked it and was ready to turn the knob to walk outside when his foot slipped on something. Johnny looked down to see an old tan sweater underneath his sneaker and that feeling almost immediately returned. The feeling that it should have been something else, something different.

He didn’t dwell on it too long, shaking his head hard to pull himself out of it before continuing on his way out the door. He really needed to stop drinking before he knocked out at night.

* * *

Work was uneventful. A lady tried arguing with him about a kimchi coupon but Johnny didn’t feel like going back and forth with her and simply gave her the processed nonsense for free. His manager would be on his ass about it if he found out but Johnny figured that was better than having to fight a lady in her forties about fucking kimchi. He was able to get out of stocking by slipping the student who manned the register next to him a bill and went out through the back once his shift was over.

On his way to the studio, Johnny passed by a complex. He was almost certain that he had never been inside it but it still felt familiar to him. He stared up at the building for a long moment before finally making the decision to approach it, his feet controlling him more than his mind was. He found himself in front of a door on the second floor, hand poised to knock.

The door opened before he could even make the connection. Johnny jumped back a little at the suddenness of it, blinking at the young girl who stared up at him. They looked at each other for a long moment before an older woman approached, shooing her daughter who had clearly been ready to go out and play behind her.

“Hello,” the woman said. “Can I help you?”

Johnny had been looking for someone when he came up there. He just didn’t know for who. But looking at this woman and her child he was almost definitely sure that they weren’t who he was looking for. However, they both looked familiar to him in a way that he couldn’t put his finger on.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny finally muttered after a moment, shaking his head. “Wrong house.”

He left without another word. About halfway down the stairs, Johnny heard the woman push the door closed. Upon hearing that, he looked up at it and stared for a second or two before continuing on his way. He considered the possibility that he could be going insane. A more logical explanation was that him overworking himself between the store and the band was fucking with him mentally. Either way, he needed to shake this shit off. 

Practice went well. Jaehyun was coming back from the nearby convenience store when Johnny came in. The only issue was that the songs Johnny sang and played didn’t sound familiar to him. They weren’t at all bad but Johnny couldn’t help but think that they could be a little bit better. It wasn’t until the three of them had all sat down to eat the chicken Jaehyun had ordered that someone finally pointed out how off Johnny seemed.

“Alright, man,” Mark said, brushing his greasy fingers off on his pants. “What the fuck is up with you?”

Johnny looked over at him and raised a brow, mouth occupied with chewing the chicken he had just bitten off from the bone he was still holding. “Nothing,” Johnny said once he had swallowed.

“You’ve been weird the entire time that we’ve been here,” Jaehyun pointed out and Mark seconded it with a hum.

Johnny considered lying. Blowing it off and blaming it on something else. But he ultimately figured that both Mark and Jaehyun had said things that came across as much wilder than what he was currently experiencing. He sighed before putting down his half–eaten chicken wing, picking up a napkin to clean his hands off with.

“I don’t know,” Johnny admitted quietly. “I just feel like something’s off.”

“Something like what?” Jaehyun asked and Johnny paused, taking a moment to think about exactly what he meant.

“Like something’s missing,” Johnny finally said. “Even now. I feel like something isn’t here and it should be.”

“Toothpaste,” Mark spoke up easily. “I can smell your breath all the way from over here, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun responded by picking up a wing and flicking it at him. Mark squawked when the bone smacked him in the forehead and went to pick up another to throw back at Jaehyun before being interrupted by Johnny’s voice.

“I’m being serious,” Johnny continued, shaking his head. “Something isn’t right.”

“Something like what?” Jaehyun asked, frowning. He flinched hard when a bone smacked him in the side of the face and shouted.

“I don’t know,” Johnny answered because he didn’t and it was so frustrating. “Just something.”

“I think you need to stop taking closing shifts at work, Johnny,” Mark responded easily. Another wing went flying over his head. “Hey! Stop wasting all the food!”

“I paid for it,” Jaehyun taunted in response, picking up another and throwing it. That must have been the last straw for Mark because he was leaping on Jaehyun to try and snatch the box away from him.

While they fought, Johnny took some time to consider it. Maybe it was all in his head. If no one else seemed to notice anything amiss then it had to be him. It probably did have something to do with the lack of sleep he had been getting recently. Mark was right—he needed to talk to Jinwoo and request a break from having to stay past midnight to shut down the store.

They finished up and all parted ways. On his way home, Johnny slipped his headphones on and blasted music from his phone that had been pushed into his back pocket. He didn’t feel like battling with his playlist and so decided to listen to the radio that provided him with all of the top songs in Seoul for that week. He barely paid any attention to them, using the different tunes to drown out the sounds of children shouting on the bus and the old vehicle’s brakes squeaking every other minute.

It was when he had gotten off that a new song started that caught his attention. He perked up at the sound of it and immediately pulled his phone from out of his pocket to see the title of it. Everything about it felt so familiar. The drums and the guitar. The lyrics and the pacing of it. It went deeper than Johnny having possibly overheard the tune playing from someone’s speakers as he passed by or at a restaurant. He couldn’t explain it but the feeling was there. The singer’s name wasn’t anything he recognized—Moon Taeil. It definitely wasn’t who he felt like he had been looking for.

Suddenly he was interrupted by someone grabbing him from behind. A car went whooshing by him seconds afterward. He whirled around to see who had pulled him away at the last second and his heart did this thing—this weird, strange thing that was more than him being scared shitless by how quickly everything had happened. It was almost like he had been anticipating something.  _ Someone. _

The feeling quickly went away when Johnny saw that the person who had pulled him back was an older man who looked to be about in his early fifties. He had on a worn newsboy cap and a loose coat. 

“Watch where you’re going,” the man warned him softly and Johnny nodded, giving him a quick bow before continuing on his way across the street. He went to unpause the song but before he could, his phone screen went black and the device died. Johnny sighed and slipped his headphones off, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

When he got back inside, Johnny slipped off his hoodie and tossed it down on the floor. He hooked his phone up to the charger and waited for it to come back on to check the time. 10:46PM. Johnny frowned down at it for a moment before shutting the screen back off. 

Despite having recently eaten, Johnny made himself some ramen and ate it on his bed while watching some stand–up comedy special on Netflix. It wasn’t very funny but he chuckled here and there. When it finally came to an end, Johnny checked the time again. 12:09AM. He sighed and sat his empty container of ramen on the table next to him, slipping underneath the blankets. 

Today was weird. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly why. Either way, Johnny was just thankful that the day was now over with.

* * *

**July 1st**

Taeyong hadn’t a day off from work since the day he had started there. 

He didn’t mind it all that much. He actually liked his job. Being able to write for people and help develop them as artists in such a big company was still so surreal to him. Because of this, when Taeyong was woken up in the morning by the sound of his phone ringing to be told by his boss that they needed him to come in despite him just being there not even six hours ago he couldn’t bring himself to be too upset about it. He liked to think about how fortunate he was when he started to become a bit frustrated due to his exhaustion.

When he had gotten to the building that day Taeyong pressed the button to the elevator that would take him to the fourth floor and waited patiently for it to come, giving slight bows to each person that filed out once the shaft reached his floor. He stood alone as the elevator started the ascent to the fourth floor, doing his best to blink away the tiredness in his eyes. 

The door had barely even started to open when Taeyong was bombarded by someone pulling him out which did a better job at waking him up than blinking hard ever did. When he finally recovered from his shock, Taeyong was easily able to make out who had grabbed him so suddenly. 

“Taeyongie,” Taeil said, frowning at him. “What are you doing here?”

Taeyong didn’t really understand the question. He was there to work with him. Taeil was having yet another comeback—a gift for his fans before he enlisted after the summer came to an end—which meant that Taeyong had to be there almost 24/7 to help him prepare for it. The album was almost finished which Taeyong couldn’t have been more thankful for but he still needed to finish the production on several songs—the title track especially—and tweak things with the vocals and musicality here and there. 

“You’re asking me why I’m at my job?” Taeyong asked with a small laugh. 

“No, I’m asking you why you’re at your job on your birthday,” Taeil pointed out, giving Taeyong’s shoulder a light shove. “It’s your twenty–fourth, isn’t it?”

Right. It was his birthday. Taeyong didn’t really pay much attention to that day of the year. It wasn’t like he had a problem with it but more that he didn’t think of it as important like most other people did. The only difference between it and any other day was the fact that he would be turning another year older. It didn’t matter much to him and definitely not enough to warrant not coming in to work. 

“It is,” Taeyong confirmed. 

“I refuse to let you work on your birthday,” Taeil deadpanned, folding his arms across his chest. 

“No offense, Taeil, but I don’t think that’s your call,” Taeyong snorted quietly, going to push past Taeil to continue on his way to both the studio and the coffee maker that was inside of it. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t able to make it very far before a hand on his wrist was stopping him. 

“Actually,” Taeil started as Taeyong turned back around, sighing, “I talked to the president about giving you the day off.”

“Taeil,” Taeyong groaned because he didn’t know why Taeil had done that. The last thing he wanted was for the president to think that he was some kind of slacker. 

“It’s fine, Taeyong,” Taeil reassured him, letting go of his wrist. “He loves you. He said that he had been thinking about giving you some time off anyway.”

Taeyong supposed that was good but he still didn’t like the idea of Taeil going behind his back and requesting something that he hadn’t asked for. He knew that Taeil meant well but he really didn’t like the image that it gave him. He would have to talk to the president later and tell him that if it had been up to him, he definitely wouldn’t have taken the day off unless it was something that was gravely important. However, he wasn’t going to go up to his office and demand to stay that day when a decision had clearly already been made.

“I don’t like you doing that, Taeil,” Taeyong sighed, resulting in Taeil giving him an apologetic little smile. 

“I know,” Taeil said. “But think about it—I’m kind of saving your life.”

Taeyong almost immediately snorted in response to that. “How are you saving my life?”

“Overworking yourself is the top cause of death in our nation right now,” Taeil said with so much certainty that Taeyong almost believed that it was true at first. 

“I’m almost positive that that’s not true,” Taeyong snorted and Taeil shrugged in response, starting to walk off in the direction he had first come from. 

“You have no proof that it isn’t,” Taeil called over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lee Taeyong.”

“Hey,” Taeyong shouted after him, not bothering to use honorifics. He and Taeil were close enough to the point where Taeil didn’t mind if he forgoed them every now and again. “You’re not gonna give me a present?”

“My present was getting you the day off,” Taeil answered easily, turning around to walk backward and shoot Taeyong a bright smile. 

“You’re a millionaire,” Taeyong pointed out. “You couldn’t have gotten me something better?”

Taeil’s response was to shrug before turning back around and continuing on his way. Taeyong watched him until he turned a corner and disappeared out of his sight, leaving him alone—well, as alone as someone could be in such a bustling, lively place—in the lobby. Taeyong scoffed to himself, shaking his head. 

“What a cheapskate,” Taeyong said quietly before turning and starting back towards the elevator once again. 

He didn’t really have anything in mind in terms of what to do but knew that he definitely didn’t want to return back to his apartment. Getting some well–needed sleep was probably the best thing that he could have chosen to do for himself with the day off but for some reason, Taeyong just couldn’t bring himself to do it. No matter how insignificant he found his birthday, he still didn’t want to spend it sleeping.

He ended up stopping at a small cafe near the company to grab himself a coffee. The place was busy as it always was. Seeing that many idols stopped by there throughout the day, it was frequently swarming with fans who were hoping to catch a glimpse of their favorite celebrity. As Taeyong ordered at the counter and pulled out his wallet to pay, he couldn’t help but think about what that might be like. Having people scoping you out almost every second of your life, no privacy whatsoever. He couldn’t do it. Music had always been a big part of his life but Taeyong had never liked too much attention. It was why he had chosen to stay behind the scenes. 

Somehow he found himself at a park. Seeing that it was summer, the space was filled with children playing with their friends and siblings while their parents lingered somewhere nearby, keeping an eye out to make sure that nothing happened to them. Some people were scattered out on the soft grass, talking amongst themselves while others ran or walked the trail that ran throughout the park. As he walked through, Taeyong stopped to pet a small dog that had stretched up on his leg as soon as he passed by. She was a pretty, glossy brown with a tiny face and straight snout that reminded him of his own dog. He hadn’t seen Ruby in awhile seeing that she still lived with his family. He missed her. 

“Hey,” Taeyong said to her, smiling as he ran his hand through her fur. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be smelling random strangers, are you?”

The sound of his voice must catch the owner’s attention. She turned around from where she had been chastising her daughter for running too far away from her to look down at him, fitting a hand over her mouth once she realized what her dog had been doing. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the woman apologized, reeling the dog in by her leash. “Byul, what are you doing?”

“That’s alright,” Taeyong reassured her, standing back up from his squat. “What kind of dog is she?”

“Oh, we aren’t quite sure,” the woman answered with a small frown. “We rescued her off the street.” She stopped to smile down at the dog, bending to give her head a small pat. “She’s a beauty though, isn’t she?”

“She is,” Taeyong agreed. He gave the woman a small bow and waved down to her daughter who had been staring at him from behind her mother’s head before moving on. 

Taeyong continued on throughout the park, sipping his coffee and enjoying the scenery. He thought to himself that he needed to get out more often. All too often was he cramped up in the studio or his apartment working on something. It wasn’t healthy. 

He was about to leave the park and find somewhere to eat when the sound of music caught his attention. Taeyong looked around until he saw the small crowd standing in front of a trio of men performing. Normally, something like that didn’t really catch his attention. If he had enough time, he would stop and put a bill in the case that often sat in front of them but he never stopped to listen. However, something about this particular group caught his attention. Taeyong hesitated a moment before ultimately coming to the decision that his curiosity outweighed his hunger. He tossed his empty cup of coffee into a nearby trash can before starting off in the direction of the crowd.

All three of them looked to be around Taeyong’s age. The one with the youngest face probably was the closest to him. He had black hair and full cheeks, round eyebrows hidden underneath his bangs. The one to the left of him had dyed blonde hair that was just a tad darker than Taeyong’s and easily had the most attention from the women in the ground which Taeyong was sure that he appreciated. 

The one who caught his attention the most was the frontman. He supposed that it made sense for him to be drawn to the man, especially considering that he was in the center and was the one crooning out the lyrics to the song they were singing in a soft but deep voice. Though, even with that being said, there was something else that had pulled Taeyong in. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

He was tall and broad with pouty lips and tan skin. His hair was pushed back by a cap and he had on this old green T–shirt that had definitely seen better days. As Taeyong looked at him, he couldn’t shake this sense of familiarity. It was more than the possibility that he had seen this guy in passing one day without really acknowledging him in his head. It was like Taeyong had  _ known  _ him. He took a moment, pondering on whether or not he could have gone to school with this guy. Taeyong frowned, shaking his head. It wasn’t that. 

The song came to an end and the audience clapped. A girl to Taeyong’s right put her fingers in her mouth and whistled before bringing her hand back down and holding up the banner she had been carrying. Taeyong could see through the thin fabric that it read, “JUNG JAEHYUN”. The one with the blonde hair—Jaehyun, Taeyong was assuming—smiled back at her, shooting her a heart with his thumb and pointer finger. 

“I love you, Jung Jaehyun!” the girl shouted which caused several people in the crowd to flinch at the sheer volume of her voice and the boy with the black hair to snort in response, rolling his eyes.

“Hey,” the frontman said, smiling back at the crowd. “Thank you all for stopping to watch us play. It kind of feels like Hell out here right now so we all really appreciate your attention.” A few people in the crowd laughed, some nodding in agreement. “Well,” the man continued, adjusting his guitar where it sat against his hip. “To my left I have Mark and my right—.”

“Jung Jaehyun!” the girl shrieked before the man could even finish.

“Right,” he laughed, nodding. “Jung Jaehyun.” Finally, he pointed at himself. “I’m Johnny and we’re Poet. We’ve got a couple songs left for you if you’re all ready for it.”

The crowd gave their consent which was when Taeyong finally made his decision to slip out. He kept his head down and politely made his way through each person, giving them a bow when they looked over at him. In doing this, he didn’t quite hear the sound of the microphone’s feedback and the lead man excusing himself for a moment.

Taeyong was startled by the sudden appearance of someone in front of him, immediately looking up to see that it was the man who he had just been watching. He frowned and looked back to confirm that it was in fact the same guy, turning back once he saw that the place the man had previously been standing in was now empty. He no longer had his guitar and looked much taller than he had back there. 

“Um,” the man—Johnny, right?—said. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Taeyong responded a bit uncertainly because he wasn’t sure why this man had stopped in the middle of his performance to talk to him. “Can I help you with something?”

Johnny hesitated for a moment. He opened his mouth, ready to say something but ended up closing it soon thereafter. Then, “Do I know you from somewhere?”

That was strange. This guy must have thought the same thing that Taeyong had. Still, he didn’t think that the two of them knew each other. Taeyong was pretty good at remembering faces and where he had seen them at and couldn’t really think of a location for Johnny. He probably just had a face similar to someone else that Taeyong had known in the past. 

Taeyong thought about his area of work. His name had been credited in the songs of many artists and quick Google search gave anyone who was curious a glimpse at his face. It was probably that. “I work at RK,” Taeyong answered with a small smile. 

“No, it’s not that,” Johnny said, shaking his head. “That’s cool though.”

Taeyong wasn’t quite sure what to say after that. It had gone silent and he couldn’t help but feel like he was being rushed by both the crowd of people and the band waiting for Johnny’s return. 

“Ah,” Taeyong ended up saying with a nod. “Well, I’m not sure then.” He gave Johnny a little duck of his head. “Have a nice day.” 

He tried to continue on his way and was almost certain that he was going to be successful. However, he hadn’t made it too far when he heard the same familiar voice call out for him again. Before Taeyong knew it, Johnny was in front of him once more. 

“Wait,” Johnny said. Taeyong stared up at him, unsure of what he could have wanted. “Can I have your name?”

Taeyong hesitated again. Usually, he didn’t like telling people he didn’t know anything about him but for some reason couldn’t think of a reason not to tell this man.

“Taeyong,” Taeyong finally answered. Johnny smiled at him softly, nodding. 

“Taeyong,” Johnny repeated. “I’m Johnny.”

“I know,” Taeyong told him, laughing a little. “I heard you say it back there.”

“Oh,” Johnny breathed. “Right.”

It went quiet between the two of them again. It was awkward but Taeyong couldn’t bring himself to try and walk away again. 

Finally, Johnny was inhaling and preparing to say more. “You’re really pretty,” he blurted, seeming to immediately regret it the moment it left his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

Taeyong laughed even louder at that. “That’s okay,” he reassured him, smiling. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Johnny nodded. He opened his mouth to say more but was interrupted by the sound of someone else’s voice shouting. 

“Hey!” Taeyong turned to see that the boy with the black hair was staring at the two of them as well as a few people in the audience. He couldn’t help but blush under all the attention. “Can you hurry it up?”

“One second!” Johnny called back to him and the boy groaned loudly in response. Taeyong looked as Johnny turned his attention over to him once again. “Um,” Johnny muttered, lifting up a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “You wanna come watch my band for a little? We’re pretty okay.”

And while Taeyong had had intentions of leaving and his stomach was practically screaming at him to feed it, Taeyong once again couldn’t bring himself to turn this guy down. He didn’t really know what that could mean but didn’t mind it all that much. He turned and looked at the crowd and the setup that they were standing in front of. It was clear that some of them were starting to become weary of waiting. 

“Sure,” Taeyong finally agreed, nodding. “I’ll watch.”

Johnny broke out into a bright smile at his response, his face lighting up like a kid who had just been handed a chocolate bar for good behavior. 

“Sweet,” Johnny breathed out, still grinning. “There’s a spot right at the front with your name on it.”

Taeyong smiled back and watched as Johnny faltered a moment before leading him back over to the crowd, pointing out a spot in the front that Taeyong hesitantly took with a quiet apology to the people behind him who he had basically cut in front of. Luckily for him, they didn’t seem to mind all that much. 

Johnny slipped his guitar back on and took the microphone back in his hand, flinching a bit at the feedback that came with him touching it. Taeyong looked over to the girl who was still swooning over Jaehyun as well as the people around him and simply couldn’t shake this overwhelming feeling of comfortable familiarity with his surroundings.

“Hey,” Johnny said. “Sorry about that.” The crowd didn’t really respond to that. He particularly needed them to. “Anyway, like I said before, we’re Poet and we’re here to give you a performance that you probably won’t remember come tomorrow but will definitely enjoy today.” He stopped to give Taeyong a small, pointed smile which Taeyong returned without even having to think twice about it. “Without further ado, here’s our song, “Walls”.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/tunameIts) and [Curious Cat](https://www.curiouscat.me/allforyong) because I'm sure you'll all have questions after this huge cluster-fuck. Also, don't forget to leave me things if you liked it! It means a lot to me! Don't forget to wash your hands and please, please stay safe! We'll make it through this together!


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